


Feelings

by WinteryFall



Category: Bleach
Genre: Fluff, Grimmjow gets it, Grimmjow is blunt, Ichigo is dense, Kazui is observant kid, Light depression, Mourning, Multi, Nelliel plays a matchmaker, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Past ichihime - Freeform, Post-Canon, Self-Doubt, Smartass Grimmjow, Some Humor, Struggling Ichigo, brave little Kazui, cat-puns, chill Grimmjow, eventual kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 15:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12510816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinteryFall/pseuds/WinteryFall
Summary: After Ichigo loses another loved one, he finds it hard to smile and be genuinely happy again. Except, there is still a person who manages to make him do that, and this person is the last one he expects. Once the shinigami begins to realize his infatuation, he freaks out. Badly.Grimmjow just thinks it's hilarious.Hilarious and adorableBut he'd never say that out loud.He also wishes Kurosaki wasn't so damn dense and keep assuming shit about how he feels about things, namely the shinigami himself.





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tides of Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11951358) by [Steangine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steangine/pseuds/Steangine). 



> So, what happens when I struggle with writing my longer fics?  
> I write a random one-shot. This one has about a year's time-span or so. Also, I have Kazui in it because that lil cutiepie is just adorable. A mini-Ichigo, but less angsty.  
> I might also add some effects to the text later on; right now my internet is kinda derpy so I don't want to risk it and having to start alll over again.
> 
> EDIT: added my inspiration source now that I finally remembered which fic it was

He did not know when it started.  
The change when it came to him.  
Hell, Ichigo did not even realize it was happening at first.

They’d all grown and changed since the war with the Quincy; sad part had been the fact Ichigo could not stay in Karakura anymore. He’d become too powerful, so he’d stayed in soul society. It wasn’t too bad; he had Rukia, Renji and Orihime too, with him there. He could still visit home, even if he couldn’t stay. 

Chad had gone to travel the world; Ichigo phoned him each time he visited his family in human realm, and dropped by if Chad was there.

Ishida had moved overseas as well, perhaps still ashamed of what had transpired. None of them held it against him really, for he had come to their aid in the end. Ishida was still a good friend, Ichigo refused to think otherwise. Tatsuki went out to become a karate champion for Japan, and she even shined internationally which surprised nobody.

Overall, life moved on.  
People grew and changed.  
Maybe not from their cores, but they did.

Ichigo knew himself, he was much different from the hotheaded teen he used to be; he’d gone through several battles, two wars, all in a span of few years. It was only natural it affected him as a person. 

Perhaps, that was why when the unexpected happened, he did not take it as hard as he had with his own mother. When Inoue died, he did not cry as badly: rather, he’d felt numb, like he was too used to this.  
He was too used to seeing people die, that’s what going trough wartimes does to you.  
So, the one who’d cried that day had not been him like in the past, but the small figure resting beside him right now. 

The young man glances at his son, sleeping next to him on the bed. They were currently visiting his family again, as Ichigo had figured his son could do with his aunts and grandfather around him, to ease the poor child’s mourning. Despite it being two weeks since, Kazui was still sad, bursting into tears if he saw something that reminded him of his mum.

He had also cried throughout the funeral, which was not surprising; Kazui was a child, and he was a lot like how Ichigo was in his age. It had come as a surprise for them all, how Orihime had slowly grown ill. Too much power for her body to handle, Urahara had theorized on it.  
In a way it made sense, Inoue’s power had always been extraordinary. Having it not have side-effects would have been a miracle. Still though, he hoped it hadn’t gone this way. 

It was... unfair that Kazui had to go trough the same process of mourning his mother at an early age like Ichigo did. He’d hoped to whatever gods he wouldn’t have to. 

 

With a sigh, Ichigo shifts and puts the boy into the bed, his old bed, covering him with blankets and giving him several of his favorite plushies. As he walks downstairs, the house was quiet. Ichigo looks out from the window, noting that it was full moon

Most were asleep at this hour.

He paces outside, feeling the cold wind brush against his skin. Wearing human clothes felt weird, now that he was used to the shinigami robes. Yet, there was a strange sense of comfort wearing his old hoodie and jeans. It was almost if all the bad things had never happened. 

Like he was again just a normal teen, studying in high school. It was nice to pretend it was all just a bad dream, if just for a moment.

Except, then he senses something that reminds him that what he went trough was not just a bizarre, sometimes nightmarish dream. Slowly, he lifts his gaze to glance up at the roof of the Kurosaki family house. 

Ichigo was not surprised to find him there. The man often appeared if Ichigo visited human world, he did not bother coming to seireitei to pick a fight with Kurosaki for obvious reasons.

Grimmjow had not been around for the funeral unlike few other arrancars who had become an allies of sorts for them. Nelliel had been the one who told Ichigo about her and Harribel - the pair acted as the current 'rulers' of Hueco Mundo - asking him to join the two women for the ceremony, and the way the man had flat out refused and flipped them off.

Ichigo, as strange as it probably had seemed then, had laughed when he heard that while still trying not to cry; the reaction had startled his friends, likely making them wonder if he’d lost his mind finally or something. 

It was so much like Grimmjow to do that. 

For all his sadness and mourning at that time, that familiar bit of crudeness had warmed his heart, as crazy as it sounded. 

Things changed, people changed. 

The world around him kept shifting, sometimes in a sickening pace that made him want to just curl up and hide away for a bit, just to breathe. It was a feeling he’d began to suffer from greatly ever since Inoue....ever since her first serious fit.

A feeling reminiscent of the immense guilt and sadness he felt as a child days after his mother’s death, but this one was worse, because it did not go away overtime.  
It kept nagging at him, nibbling at the back of his head. By the time the inevitable happened, he’d grown so used to that unpleasant clenching on his gut that he was almost numb to it’s effects.

As things kept changing for the past years or so, Grimmjow was that one thing that seemed to remain familiar; a crude and sarcastic dick he always had been from ever since they met. 

Ichigo did not know why he was so happy about it, but somehow, it had made him breathe a little easier that day, to hear that familiar, bitchy response from the man about the whole ceremony deal.

Grimmjow was absolutely the last person Ichigo wanted to pity him. 

 

The arrancar flashes him a smirk before jumping down, landing smoothly with all the grace of a feline Ichigo knew his true form to be. He looked the same as ever, blue spiky hair completely unruly, hands in his pockets and reeking of arrogance. 

The blue eyes peered at him with the usual smugness as well; there was not even a hint of concern or pity in them, none of what majority of people were showing him, and that even included Zaraki, who’d not tried to kick his ass today nor even offered a threat. 

Even those who normally were harsh on Ichigo one way or other, gave him space right now, respected his mourning or so. 

Grimmjow didn’t give a fuck; he acted like he always would, being a sarcastic ass with no ounce of pity in him. Not because he despised Ichigo or anything, the man had admittedly moved past that even if he didn’t explicitly say it, but because sympathy just wasn’t in his vocabulary. 

It just felt... strangely comforting, to have some bit of familiarity in his chaotic life. That one, unmoving beacon that remained there, despite the turmoil of time.

Even if it had to be a former enemy turned...Ichigo wasn’t even sure what.

It did not really matter. 

”You gonna mope all day an’ night, Kurosaki? It’s not gonna change shit.”

”Majority of people would at least have more heart and tact to not be a dick right after somebody lost a loved one.” Ichigo deadpans, but he didn’t feel angry, and Grimmjow likely knew his words were empty with their meaning.

He likely knew why the hollow was there. They had not had a fight in months now, for Ichigo had been too preoccupied with...with what was going on in his family. While a small part of him was strangely happy to see the smug bastard after such a long time, he was not up for a fight right now. He felt exhausted, just not physically.

Grimmjow lets out a rough laugh at Ichigo’s response, and tilts his head with an amused smirk dancing on his lips. The smile used to terrify the young man slightly back when he was a teen, but nowadays he was used to the twisted tint of it. The smile was almost charming.

Hell, it was probably Grimmjow’s only charming quality, and that was saying something given how creepy it could be.

”Didya forget yer talkin’ to a hollow? I ain’t got one.”

Ichigo felt a smile dance on his lips. It was strange to feel it happen, for he hadn’t smiled for weeks now.

”Your heart was in a weird place when you were alive, then.”

In the past, even a half-hearted jab like this would have probably earned him an angry sneer or a punch in the gut, but Grimmjow just snorts and rolls his eyes. Then he glances at himself with a thoughtful look, and shrugs.

”Not like you ain’t got a point with that. It is in a weird place.” 

It was such a bizarre exchange, that normally it would’ve made Ichigo laugh and question his sanity for chatting so casually with Grimmjow of all people. He says nothing however, not wanting to question it too much right now.

Bottom line was, hollow holes were sometimes weird, they both knew that, it was not worth questioning yourself over it. 

Ichigo glances at the empty streets, then back at Grimmjow who was examining him now with a stoic look. The longer they stand there, under the moonlight, the more Ichigo begins to realize that perhaps something was a little different after all. 

Despite his initial thought about Grimmjow’s reason for being there, Ichigo could not sense any hints of battle thirst emanating from the man, at least not the amount that usually meant he was looking for a fight. 

It never went away fully, but it was weird to have it this tame right now.  
Regardless, Ichigo offers him the response he’d been preparing himself for. 

”You know, I’m not on the mood right now.” He comments quietly, turning his gaze away. It was not the kind of response Jeagerjaquez would want to hear, but Ichigo was not afraid of him anymore. Not that he ever was, not... fully. Just enough of instinctive fear to keep him alive.

The arrancar snorts at him again, cracking his neck. As the fiery haired male glances at him, Ichigo notes the man did not seem surprised by the comment. Even moreso, he did not seem bothered by it either, like one could have expected.

”I know. I might be a heartless bastard, but I ain’t dumb.”  
Ichigo lifts eyebrow at that.

”Then why are you here?”

”You not being in the mood never stopped me before.” Grimmjow points out casually, gaining an eyeroll from the fiery haired male. Of course Grimmjow would not be bothered: he didn’t care what Ichigo’s opinion was. 

 

Without a word, the young man begins to pace across the nightly, empty streets, knowing the former Espada would follow. Sure enough he did, hands in his pockets as usual.  
Grimmjow had not changed, he still wanted to kick Ichigo’s ass, that much was obvious.  
He’d likely stalk him like an alley-cat - Ichigo was not sorry for the pun - until the fiery haired shinigami would give him the fight he craved, that’s how it went. The man was not known to be patient, but when he wanted something, namely a fight with Kurosaki, he could wait for an incredibly long time. 

That was why Ichigo was not alarmed to have Grimmjow stalk after him like this; he knew Grimmjow would not stab him in the back.  
His code of honor refused to let him attack Ichigo when he was not ready for a battle.  
So, he’d wait, until Ichigo was. 

Scratch what he’d said earlier; Grimmjow did have another charming trait to him that Ichigo appreciated. For all of his twistedness and bloodthirst, at least Grimmjow did not use cowardly tactics like most of Ichigo’s past opponents.

He’d exploit any weakness he could in battle, and coax his opponent into a frenzy if he felt they weren’t trying hard enough. But, he’d only do that in battle, not outside of it; he refused to exploit a person’s weakness beforehand, because it would make the fight unfair.

”So you gonna stick around fer a bit huh?”

Ichigo doesn’t glance at his companion, just shrugs, gazing around the nightly city. He was likely the only one who could see Grimmjow at the moment, so he was a little careful on responding. People would think he was a nutjob, talking to himself. It was not that unusual, given he’d done it in the past already, but he was more cautious about it nowadays.

Right now, there were no people in sight, so he responded.

”A few days I suppose. Kazui might stay longer, I think he’ll need them more than me right now.”  
Ichigo shrugs, finally glancing at Grimmjow, who looks at him with that same stoic look now.  
It was not actually surprising, to have him be unusually quiet right at this moment.

Grimmjow hadn’t changed.  
It was just that, there was...one thing that Ichigo couldn’t quite explain.  
A shift in his behavior, or rather, a reaction Ichigo had never expected, when it came to this particular topic. 

Grimmjow loved to insult and mock Kurosaki over tiniest of things, but he never mentioned the bright eyed child.  
He never brought Kazui up in his taunts, nor made fun of him. Ichigo had fully expected Grimmjow to use his son as one of his coaxing tactics to get Ichigo riled up, but the man seemed to downright refuse to talk about the kid in any way.

It was something Ichigo did not quite understand. 

It was only something he’d expected the man to do, preparing himself for all sorts of terrible bullshit insults when the man found out he had a child. Ichigo had fully thought that Grimmjow would do the same kind of shit he’d done with Inoue, to get Ichigo to do what he wanted.  
Threaten the child, perhaps even hurt him.

Yet...the arrancar had done nothing of the sort, when he was finally face-to-face wit the youngest Kurosaki. He’d just looked at Kazui amused, when he’d realized the boy was Ichigo’s kid. 

It had been a nerve-wrecking moment, Ichigo remembered it like it was yesterday; they’d been at the park, visiting human world with his family like Ichigo was doing now. Kazui was three at the time and had wandered off, running into a hollow unfortunately. 

Before Ichigo or Orihime had managed to do anything however, Grimmjow had appeared and disposed of it. He’d then turned to look at the kid, who was staring up at him with wide, bright brown eyes.  
Ichigo had sworn at that moment that he’d kill the bastard if he’d even try to hurt Kazui.

He’d also been terrified. Kazui was so naive and trusting, having never faced somebody like Grimmjow yet, and Ichigo knew all too well just how damaging the man could be to the poor young boy with just words alone.

Kazui had looked at the man for a long time, then asked with imperfectly spelled words as could be expected in his age, if he was a hollow.

Grimmjow had glanced between him and his parents, and once he connected the dots, he’d let out an amused chuckle and ruffled the kid’s hair - an action that nearly gave both Ichigo and Inoue a heart attack - before telling the two parents to ’take better fucking care of their bloody kid.’

Later, Ichigo had learned from Nel that Grimmjow had been there because he was chasing after a rogue arrancar who’d slipped into the human realm unnoticed. The seireitei was still busy dealing with the aftermath of the war, so they did not always have time to deal with such things. Hence, they’d agreed to let the current arrancar rulers to deal with their own kindred for now.

It did not explain why Grimmjow had agreed to be the one to do it, but it didn’t matter at the time. He was just glad the man hadn’t hurt his son. 

Inoue had been relieved too, even moreso than Ichigo, for she’d seen what the man could do first hand. She’d seen him kill, and injure Ichigo to the point of near death, several times.  
Kazui was so much more fragile than his father, at least at that age.

 

”Earth to Kurosaki. Don’t fuckin’ space out on me, that’s rude.”

The gruff, amused tone snaps Ichigo out of his thoughts, and he realizes they’d walked all the way to the park already. He stops and turns to look at Grimmjow with lift eyebrow.  
”Ya sure you wanna leave your kid by himself here? He’s like a walkin’ hollow magnet.”

Ichigo blinks, not trying to hide his surprise.

The man snorts at his expression, cracking his neck and looking positively annoyed.  
”Ya can’t be that dumb Kurosaki. His soul smells like a delicious fuckin’ gourmet meal to most hollows. It’s a miracle he hasn’t been eaten yet.”

Ichigo frowns, not because he was offended by the metaphor - he should have been probably - but because it was strange for Grimmjow to suddenly bring his son up in their conversation.  
As said before, he never did that.  
He left Kazui alone, both literally and as a topic.  
But not now.

”First; how the hell do you know that?”  
Grimmjow rolls his eyes at Ichigo and flashes him a rogueish grin.  
”I’m a fuckin’ hollow too, numbskull. Just cause I don’t devour human souls anymore, it don’t mean I can’t smell ’em.” 

That sounded so wrong, coming from an adult man, and Ichigo let it show on his expression.

”The surroundings ta your house was infested with ’em by the time I got here. The only reason they ain’t jumping on your kiddo is because you and your pops are in there too.”  
He pauses, and gives the fiery haired male a lazy grin.  
”Plus I took care of ’em. Yer welcome.”

The fiery haired male stares at him with widened eyes, and then looks around.  
Was Grimmjow serious? He had not sensed any hollows nearby.

The thought sent a twinge of panic racing down Ichigo’s spine; sure, he had been having trouble with his soul detection abilities lately due to all the stress. On top of that, the balance between the worlds was still off, and the spiritual auras could get mixed up and be masked to appear as something else momentarily.

It had been making their jobs as Shinigami so much harder lately, which was also why Nel and Harribel-san used their own people to deal with the renegade hollow problem, because apparently it was easier for them to distinguish what was a hollow and what was not right now. 

”Relax. I told ya, I took care of ’em.” The man snorts, glaring at Ichigo annoyed now. He was clearly also a little confused as of why Ichigo had seemingly not noticed the hollows himself.

Ichigo stares at the man, not knowing how to react to what he just heard.  
Yes, he was aware that his son’s soul was...tempting to most hollows, but having Grimmjow of all people remind him of it and the danger it caused...  
Ichigo began to realize just how strange Grimmjow’s words actually were.

”Why do you care?”  
It was a dangerous question, had always been when it came to Grimmjow.  
He did not like answering to those four words, did not like when people questioned his image of a brutish, solemn warrior who did not give a fuck about anyone. 

Right now, Ichigo was unarmed, unable to leave his human body while Grimmjow had his zanpakuto on his waist as usual, and he could do serious damage with his fists alone.  
The shinigami knew this first hand; he’d been on the receiving end of a vicious beating several times before.

The arrancar did not react with violence however, like one could have expected.  
He did not react with dismissal either, like he usually would. 

”If that brat gets hurt, you’ll mope twice as hard and that is pain in the ass to watch. Ever since yer woman kicked the bucket, you’ve been near unbearable to deal with.”

Ichigo remains quiet; it was kind of a typical answer, but something at the back of his mind told the fiery haired shinigami there was something behind those words, something a little....different.  
He suddenly felt uneasy. 

”It ain’t right y’know? Fer ya to lack so much fire like this.”  
Grimmjow’s voice was quieter than usual, and Ichigo glances at the former Espada surprised, finding him leaning against a tree now, blue eyes casting aside for a moment.  
It was not worry, Ichigo reminded himself; Grimmjow was not capable of that.  
But, he definitely did not sound satisfied either.

”Well...I guess it’s hard for a heartless soul to understand, but mourning tends to do this to you.” Ichigo comments with a sigh, rubbing his eyes. He did not really know how to even begin explaining the concept to a bloody hollow, who was likely incapable of feeling things he did right now. 

”you seriously gotta stop moping. It ain’t doing anybody any favors.”

”I will eventually! I just need time!”

Ichigo huffs out, slowly getting irritated. That spark of annoyance lit up a grin on Grimmjow’s face, which in turn made Ichigo want to punch him as usual. In this form he’d likely just break his fist, so he didn’t bother trying. 

”Make sure that ’eventually’ don’t come too late. Yer kiddo’s gonna need you ta focus fully to keep his sorry ass safe till he’s strong enough.”  
”I sincerely hope you’re not planning on fighting Kazui once he’s older.”  
Grimmjow flashes him a near maniacal grin, but then shakes his head with a laugh.  
”Nah. One Kurosaki’s enough to deal with.”

 

 

That conversation had not left Ichigo’s mind for weeks after.  
Neither did the strange uneasiness he felt about it afterwards.

He still was not quite sure why Grimmjow had said the things he did, nor did he understand why it bothered him so much.

One could say the man was just frustrated with Ichigo refusing to fight him.  
It was the explanation that made sense, yet Ichigo’s gut was twisting unpleasantly, telling him that that was not it. Grimmjow did not care if he was getting turned down, which meant Ichigo had no clue what was actually going on in inside his crazy brain during that conversation.

He glanced at Kazui, who was currently helping his aunt Yuzu to make lunch.

Ichigo had come by with his son again, who’d informed his dad he wanted to go see grandpa.  
Isshin was more than happy to see his cute little grandson, although he was clearly still worried about Ichigo. The young man was still much more quiet than he usually would be, and preferred to let his family take care of Kazui while he was there.

”Kazui is worried about you, son.”  
The old man states as he sits down to the table with the fiery haired male, who looks at him with lift eyebrow.

”It hit you hard, we understand this. Especially given what happened to Masaki, but...”  
Isshin sighs and brushes trough his short black hair, trying to find the right words.  
”You need to try and move on. I’ve heard from Rukia that you barely even go outside now, aside from doing your job. They’re worried.”

Ichigo gazes at his son, biting his lip as he was unsure on what to say.  
”I don’t think she’d want you to do this. Be this sad for so long.” 

Ichigo sighs and rubs his eyes, knowing his dad was likely correct: Inoue would not want him to wallow in self pity, but try and be happy.  
It was just...hard.  
It had been so sudden and unexpected, like his mum.  
He did not cry, but he did not smile much either.

”You should talk about it to someone.” The old man then suggests tentatively, gaining a shrug from Ichigo.

”What is there to say? It happened. We tried our best to help her, but...it wasn’t enough.”  
”Still. It could help. If not for your sake, do it for Kazui. He wants to see his dad smile again.”  
Ichigo remained quiet, there was nothing he could say to that, really.

”Why was that Espada here few weeks back?”

Ichigo’s thoughts halt, and he turns to look at his dad, who was examining him with a frown on his face. It was clear he’d wanted to ask about this for a while now. Ichigo could understand it, when it came to Grimmjow, it was always like walking a tightrope with him. 

Ichigo could not say he was just hanging out with a friend, but he also couldn’t say that Grimmjow was an actual threat, either. It was that uncertainty, that scared his close ones, when it came to him talking to the arrancar or being anywhere near him.  
They knew the two fought, but did not understand the meaning behind those battles. Neither did Ichigo if he was honest; he just did not see it as anything alarming for some reason. 

Ichigo seemed to be only one who was not afraid with the issue, even he was not exactly in the know either; he had no clue why they kept crossing paths, why they kept fighting the way they did, despite the war being over.

Why the fights were not hostile anymore.  
Ichigo had refused to think about this, wanting to think that at least with that, everything was still normal.  
But....perhaps it really wasn’t.

”You have to understand, son; it...worries a lot of us, just how often you cross paths with him like this. Especially given how you don’t seem alarmed about it yourself.” Isshin comments, stating out loud the thoughts that had been swirling in the young Kurosaki’s mind.

Ichigo swallows down and attempts to smile, but it comes off as clearly faked.  
”It’s okay dad. He’s been behaving himself lately.”  
Isshin hums with a nod, clearly not convinced. 

”I am not exactly comfortable about him being anywhere near my little grandson, like that night.”

”He won’t hurt Kazui.” Ichigo blurts out almost instantly, and the speed of his response, let alone the conviction in his voice surprised them both. For a moment, Ichigo just stares at his father, trying to make sense of his own thoughts. Finally, he takes in a deep breath and licks his lips, attempting to sound as certain as he could.

”Really, I know it sounds crazy, but he won’t. He even...that night he was around, he even expressed to me he did not exactly like the idea of me leaving Kazui here with you guys by himself, because he attracts hollows.”

”He was....worried about Kazui?” The old man asks genuinely surprised, gaining an unsure shrug from Ichigo.

”I think he was just pissy that I refused to fight him, and figured if something happened to my son, I’d be twice as reluctant.”

It was the explanation Grimmjow had given, but a tiny part of Ichigo felt that was not it.

Isshin just stares at him quiet for a long time, then sighs and rubs his eyes.  
”Well...I still recommend you to be careful; that man is an Espada after all.”  
”Former Espada. Grimmjow doesn’t actually like being referred to with a term that was used for Aizen’s lackeys.” Ichigo slips out involuntarily, feeling a little embarassed about it right afterwards: why was he defending the man so much right now?

He deserved to be called whatever anyone wanted to call him. 

Isshin remains quiet for a moment, then chuckles a bit, crossing his arm with a shake of a head.  
”Is that so?” 

 

 

That evening, Ichigo had slipped under the covers to sleep beside Kazui like usual, for the boy felt safer resting next to his dad, probably afraid he’d go and disappear too.  
This time however, the boy did not fall asleep. The wide eyes gazed at his dad’s face until Ichigo sighed and shifted to look at him, petting his head.

”What’s wrong?”  
”Why is grandpa scared of that blue haired man you talk with sometimes?”  
Ichigo blinks, surprised about the question at first.  
Then again, Kazui was an observant kid. He was also aware that his dad talked to the arrancar at times, he’d seen them.

”It’s...hard to explain.”  
The kid sits up, clutching the teddy bear plushy his mother had made for him when he was two.  
”It’s because he’s.... bad, right? He’s a hollow.”

Ah...Ichigo understood the confused frown on the boy’s face. He’d been taught that hollows were bad, and he’d seen how others reacted to Grimmjow. Yet, he’d also been saved by the arrancar, and Ichigo often talked to him like he was.....  
The young parent sighs and tugs the boy into his lap again.

”Well...Aunt Nel is technically one too, right? Yet you would not call her bad.”  
”No...”

”Grimmjow is...well he is not as nice as aunt Nel, but he’s not as bad as most of the hollows you’ve seen.” It was the craziest sentence Ichigo had ever stated in his life - which was a bloody achievement - but he also believed in it full-heartedly, which made it twice as nuts. 

”If he’s nice, why is almost everybody scared of him?”

Ichigo bites his lip, kind of hoping Kazui was not this observant. He noticed a lot of things others didn’t, and could read people more than one would expect from a kid his age. Explaining all that had happened in the past...it would not be easy, and required a better time than a random night like this. 

”Me and him...let’s just say we have a long history. He used to be bad, we used to...let’s say dislike each other. It’s easy to slip into old expectations with him. Your aunts and uncles just worry that he’ll turn out to be bad again someday.”  
Kazui looks at him thoughtfully.

”But you don’t think he will?”  
Ichigo pauses as he thinks about it.  
Yeah, after the Quincy war, Grimmjow had not really caused any actual trouble.  
He was still a dick, but less murdery. 

”No. I don’t.”  
Admitting that was...surprisingly easy.  
Again, it felt like lunacy, but he honestly believed it.

”Do you like him then?”

Ichigo’s brain halts yet again, and he just sort of stares at his son dully, not knowing how to react to that question; what did the boy mean by like anyway?

Kazui plays with the ear of his teddy bear, turning sad again.  
”Mommy...she used to say that you and that hollow are friends, just that you don’t like admitting it.”

Ichigo blinks, utterly surprised to hear this. Inoue had never mentioned such a thought to him, although... she had clearly become less concerned overtime, when she saw Grimmjow around or heard he’d picked a fight with Ichigo. 

He’d never thought of it like that.  
Could Grimmjow even consider anybody a friend?  
Yet...it did feel like an appropiate term to their current relationship.  
It was definitely not anywhere near as hostile as it used to be, nor was it entirely neutral either.  
That twisting in his gut was back again, making Ichigo feel uneasy. He wasn’t sure why this thought unnerved him so much.

Perhaps he just didn’t want things to change when it came to this.

”She said she was happy to see it, after what happened in the past.”  
The young man remains quiet, tugging his son closer as he’d began to shake with tears again, like he often would when mentioning his mum.

”She never explained what the past was. I’m guessing mommy thought it would be too scary for me.”

”She was probably right. I doubt you’d be ready to hear the whole story yet.”  
Ichigo comments softly, kissing his son’s forehead.

The boy remains quiet, then yawns a bit as he started to get sleepy.  
”I just want to see you smile again. You do smile when you talk to that man.” The boy mumbles out quietly, before dozing off, leaving Ichigo sitting there with billions of questions swirling in his mind.

 

He hadn’t really planned on having a fight that day. 

It was just that Grimmjow had literally crashed on him while dealing with another rogue arrancar, so Ichigo was forced to join in to make sure the crazy bastard would not bring the battle to the more populated area of the city.

Once they were done, Ichigo slumped to the roof, panting, and glaring at the snickering hollow with an annoyed glare.

”What the hell Grimmjow! That fight could’ve hurt innocent people!”

”Not my fault ya Shinigami are so shit at your job right now.” The man states casually, digging his ear with his pinkie. Ichigo crumbles and scrambles up, rubbing his back. He had not been in a proper fight for months now as it had been relatively peaceful in Seireitei and human realm, so his skills were surprisingly rusty. 

The balance was still off too, which likely affected his powers a bit as well, or that was the excuse Ichigo used for himself. 

”The agreement was that your people deal with these rogue arrancars without causing trouble.”

”Only a dumbass trusts someone like us with a job like that. Especially someone like me.”  
Ichigo could not stop but roll his eyes with a smile, Grimmjow had a point.  
Then he pauses as he realizes his reaction.

The brown eyes look up at Grimmjow, whose blue ones examine him with slight curiosity now.  
”What?”

Ichigo felt his heartbeat quicken in his chest, as the unease settles into his mind again.

Kazui was right.

He found it so hard to laugh or crack a bit of a half smile around his friends right now, or even his son, but all Grimmjow had to do was speak his usual smug bullshit, and his lips twitched into a smirk reflexively. He did not try to force it, it just happened.

It was frankly terrifying, for he had no fucking clue why Grimmjow was able to dig that out of him, when others couldn’t.

”Ya know if you keep starin’ at me like that, m’gonna become self conscious.”  
The man jests with a smirk, making Ichigo snort and turn his gaze away, trying to hide his unease. It was one of those things the bastard would certainly latch onto if he saw it.

”Like you’d ever doubt yourself about anything.”  
Grimmjow just snickers at that, admitting that Ichigo was probably right.  
Again, as he hears the sound, Ichigo felt it, the twitch on his lips as they wanted to curve into a smile of his own. He wanted to curse out loud, biting his lip to stop the smirk from appearing.

Why was this happening?

Suddenly, Grimmjow snaps his fingers in front of Ichigo’s eyes, and the shinigami is startled awake from his thoughts again, taking an involuntary step back with a hand landing on his zanpakuto’s hilt the second he realizes how close the arrancar was. 

Grimmjow snorts at that reaction and rubs his neck with an annoyed look on his face.

”Ya should know by now, I ain’t gonna kick you off the fuckin’ roof unless we’re fighting.”  
Ichigo felt heat creep up on his face now, embarassed about his reflexive reaction.  
Wait, why should he be embarassed?

It was only understandable he’d get defensive, Grimmjow was a bloody hollow!

”You never know with someone like you; I could imagine you kicking people off roofs for fun.” Ichigo jests, trying to sound light-hearted and hide his reaction from earlier. 

As he dares to look closely at the man, Ichigo notes there was something in those blue eyes he had not witnessed before, a hint of an emotion he could not quite place. It’s gone fairly quickly as the blunet cracks his neck and paces off towards the roof edge.  
Yet, it had been there, and it made Ichigo uneasy in a manner he’d never felt before, when it came to Grimmjow.  
That was saying something, given how much of a pain in the ass the arrancar could be.

”That would be a waste with ya; doesn’t matter how hard you hit yer head to the goddamn ground, you will always be a fuckin’ dumbass, Kurosaki.” The man comments, glancing at him over his shoulder with a smirk, before opening a garganta and jumping in, disappearing into Hueco Mundo again. 

Ichigo just stares after him for a long time, his mind stuck on trying to dechiper what he’d just seen in Grimmjow’s gaze, and why did he feel like panicking again. 

 

”So how’s Kazui doing?” Renji questions his friend while drinking his sake. He’d finally managed to coax Ichigo out for a drink or two in his favorite place on seireitei.  
Ichigo sighs, gazing at his drink. 

”He’s... better now. Being with dad, Yuzu and Karin really helped. I kind of wish he could just live there with them instead, but I could not be there for him then, not constantly.”

Renji nods understanding; after Inoue died, Ichigo had wanted to stick by his son as much as possible. Unfortunately, it did not seem to do either of them any favors, as Ichigo kept making his son worry with how passive and tired he often was. So, the boy spent more time with his aunties and grandpa now, while his dad tried to sort out his head while doing his dangerous duty. 

Ichigo hated feeling like he was making his son feel sad, but he did not seem to know how to fix it. Six months, and he still couldn’t even bring himself to smile genuinely for his son.  
Or anybody else for that matter. 

”....Ya should really talk to someone; it’s friggin’ weird to have you this serious all the time.”  
Ichigo hums, drinking his sake. He did not even try to explain or deny it; such a thing was weird.  
It was not even that he was sad anymore. He just...did not feel like smiling.  
Well...there was an exception. 

One he did not understand himself, so he chose not to mention it to Renji.

”Seriously though; why the heck does Nelliel let that crazy bastard do the dirty work? Grimmjow’s gonna destroy shit and kill someone if he keeps it up!” Renji huffs, downing his sake before refilling the cup. Ichigo lifts eyebrow at that comment; it was an abrupt topic change.  
”Just yesterday, he was goin’ after this scorpion looking arrancar that was terrorizing folk near that one park. Fuckin’ nutjob nearly wrecked the entire place while kicking his ass!”  
Ichigo felt his lips twitch again. 

”That’s kind of expected. He is embodiment of chaos.”

”My point! I respect both Nelliel and Harribel-san a lot, but why the HELL do they send him?”

Ichigo shrugs, wondering if he should in fact ask about that from Nel the next time he saw her.  
”I swear, if somebody goes and dies during one of his hunts, I’ll lop his head off personally.”  
Ichigo shakes his head with a smile; while Grimmjow was causing a lot of destruction, he somehow knew the man always made sure he did not cause any casualties. 

He did not know why he was so sure about it, perhaps because the fact was, no bystander had died yet during Grimmjow’s hunts.

”That makes you smile? What the hell?!”  
Renji suddenly comments, and Ichigo looks up at him.  
His friend looked genuinely surprised, his eyebrows nearly hitting his hairline.  
His heart froze for a second, and Ichigo felt that familiar tug in his gut again, the one that made him feel like deer caught in headlights. He doesn’t show any of this to his friend however, and  
just shrugs, drinking his sake, unsure on what to say.

”Holy shit, your kid was right.”

The fiery haired male pauses, and slowly turns to look at Renji, siöent anxiety settling at the back of his mind.

”Kazui keeps saying he only sees you smile when you complain about that bastard, or talk to him.”

Ichigo’s mouth runs dry, and he just stares at Renji dully, panicking inside his brain.  
He did not know what to do or say right now, what was he supposed to say?  
That it was just...some weird phase? That made no sense.

For a moment they both remain quiet, then the redhead huffs out a sigh and drinks again.  
”Nevermind. Just try to cheer up already; he’s really worried about you.”

 

He could not sleep. 

It had been another busy month, dealing with hollows and occasional escaped Arrancar that had sneaked into seireitei thanks to the spiritual chaos. It had began to normalize slowly, but it would still take time. 

He’d finally found time to come and visit his family again. 

Kazui had been staying there during this month as well, as Ichigo had simply been too busy. He was often too busy to be home now. In the past it was not a problem, for Inoue would have been there, but now... it was for the better to leave his son with his family rather than alone in their house in seireitei.

He’d discussed with his dad about the possibility that perhaps he should let Kazui just stay there with them after all, though he was still reluctant. Ichigo felt awful for even considering it, he felt like he was abandoning his own son if he did so, even though it wasn’t the case.  
In all likeness, Kazui would be safer with his dad and sisters.  
Still....

He sighs and glances at the little boy sleeping next to him, tugging him closer slowly and pressing his nose into the boy’s hair. Ichigo hated that he did not really know what to do right now.  
He did not know what was wrong with him. 

”Weeping about it ain’t gonna help.”

Ichigo nearly jumps, then carefully sits up, trying not to wake Kazui, as he glares up at the man sitting at the windowstill. Grimmjow’s eyes glow in darkness like flickers of blue flame, and there was a lazy smirk on his lips as usual. 

Ichigo felt his hearbeat fasten, but it was not the usual kind of worry that settled into his mind like one could expect, seeing a former enemy inside your home all of a sudden.  
He manages to keep his cool and not show his reaction to the man however.

”I’m not...”

Grimmjow holds his hand up to stop him, and slips inside the room like a large cat, not making a sound once his feet hit the floor. He paces to the chair next to the table on the room and slumps on it backwards, crossing his arms over the backrest and leaning his chin on them.  
He was...close. Not in Ichigo’s personal space or anything, but still uncomfortably close, making the shinigami want to back away a bit.  
Back away, or lean closer. He wasn’t sure which, and that was confusing and freaky as hell.

”Stop wallowing in self-pity Kurosaki. It’s pathetic to look at.”

Grimmjow’s words are harsh as usual, but the tone lacked the usual mockery in it, he was also speaking much quieter than normal.

Ichigo just stares at him, holding sleeping Kazui in his lap almost protectively. It is a reflexive reaction again, and he notes that the same emotion flashes in Grimmjow’s eyes once he notices what Ichigo was doing subconsciously.  
It is gone as soon as it appeared, like last time, and it makes Ichigo feel bad again, then wonder why exactly he felt bad about it.

”I am not. I just...”

”Quit lying ta yourself; it’s been, what? Nearly a year. Yer not mourning anymore, you’re fuckin’ depressed.”

Ichigo blinks surprised, having not expected Grimmjow to say something like that.  
The arrancar looks like he wants to snort at him again in his usual condescending manner, but chooses to just roll his eyes to not wake the kid up. 

”All of us are fuckin’ losing our marbles, Kurosaki. A hollow knows mental trauma better than any other being on this goddamn world.”

”Depression does not mean crazy.” Ichigo tells him blankly, gaining another eyeroll.

”Ain’t got time to be politically correct. My point is, I can tell yer not right in the head right now. You gotta admit that to yourself, because otherwise you cannot fuckin’ fix it.”

Ichigo stares at him quiet for a long moment, his brain thrown into a loop.  
It had already been racing, but now it was even worse.

”.....Why do you care?”  
It was that question again.  
Four words that could easily be a death sentence to some, if asked from this man.  
Yet, like last time he’d uttered those out, Grimmjow answers honestly.  
”Yer no fun when you mope. I still wanna kick your sorry ass, but I can’t be bothered if you aren’t even bloody trying.”

Ichigo releases a dramatic sigh, masking just how unnerved he actually felt about that answer, and glances at Kazui who shifts a little in his sleep, though doesn’t wake up, just cuddles closer to his dad. Ichigo examines him for a long time, long enough that he forgets Grimmjow was there, up until he speaks again.

”The fact you keep dropping yer guard down like this around me shows how shitty your condition is right now.”

Ichigo turns his gaze back at Grimmjow, realizing the man was right.  
He should have been on high alert, for having a former Espada on his house, but he hadn’t even noticed him appearing, not until he heard the familiar, gruff voice.

Perhaps that’s what his embarrassment earlier had been; him realizing subconsciously how dangerous of a mistake that was. 

No.  
Ichigo knew all too well that was a lie.

”You would not attack me right now, would you though? I’m stuck in human form and I have my son with me, who cannot defend himself against someone of your level.”

Grimmjow remains quiet for a long time, then tilts his head slightly, an impression of a nod.  
It was the answer Ichigo knew he’d get, and the answer he also feared the most right now, because of all the implications it could have.  
”Nah. I only use weaknesses ta my advantage in a fight. I ain’t a backstabby bastard like Nnoitra was.”

At the mention of that name, Grimmjow’s expression darkens a bit, and Ichigo could feel a chill travel down his spine as the man’s reiatsu intensified for a second, before returning to normal. 

”Still. It pisses me off that you do that.”

Ichigo could guess why the man felt so, and he was defending himself and his lack of attention without even thinking the next second.  
”My opinion on you hasn’t changed. I’m not looking down on you.”  
Why did he feel like explaining himself right now? Since when did he care about what Grimmjow thought of him?

The man stares at him baffled for a moment, then chuckles quietly, flashing him one of his trademark grins. Ichigo felt his heart do something weird at that, and he glances aside briefly to try and get rid of the feeling.

”I fuckin’ know that ya numb-nuts. If you did, I’d have ripped your head off already.”  
Ichigo rolls his eyes at the subtle threat-slash-dark humor. It was such a typical Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez reply, it almost made him want to smirk too.  
.....Dammit. 

”I still don’t like it. Get yer head fixed before you end up becoming stupider than you already are.” Grimmjow tells him gruffly with a serious frown, before getting up and walking back to the window. In the spur of a moment, Ichigo calls out after him, making the man glance at the fiery haired male over his shoulder.  
”If you Hollows really do understand mental issues, what is yours, then?”

Grimmjow flashes him a grin again, amused by the pointless question.  
”Psychopathy, obviously.”  
With that, he jumps out of the window, disappearing from sight. 

Ichigo stares after him, wondering just why the hell had he asked something so pointless.  
Perhaps he’d wanted to see that irritating smile again before he left.  
He shakes his head, lying back down and trying to force all of these thoughts out of his head.

 

 

”That is unusual from him.” Nelliel comments after listening to Ichigo’s story. She’d decided to drop by for a visit after hearing that Ichigo was in human realm again, and they were currently sitting on the Kurosaki family kitchen, having tea together. Isshin had decided to take Kazui and his aunties for a shopping trip, so the two were currently alone in the house.

Ichigo had decided to describe her the conversation he’d had with Grimmjow the night before.  
”Yeah. I mean...he probably has a point. I looked into it and all, and I do think I might be showing signs of it....” Ichigo sighs, gazing at his tea. 

In a way, he’d probably known.  
He just didn’t want to admit it, thinking he could not be depressed, not when the world still needed protecting. He did not have time for it.  
There were...other things he did not wish to admit either, things he had not mentioned to Nelliel yet. 

”Based on what I’ve heard from your friends, he is likely correct.”  
”He said you hollows are experts on things like this.”

Nelliel hums and drinks her tea, lowering the cup back down with a sad smile.

”In a way, we are. You have to keep in mind how we are born. Especially us on the level we are, we’ve gone trough a very rough and traumatizing experience.”  
Yeah, having your soul devoured, being forced to live in a dog-eat-dog world and become a cannibal, not to mention the things Aizen did...it was no wonder.

”We all showcase it differently, how it has shaped us, how we cope. Harribel and I...we wish to stop the endless cycle of violence, hence we took on this leading role.”

”You want to make it better for everybody.” Ichigo comments, gaining a small smile from the woman.

”Yes. Grimmjow is different from us though.”

Ichigo wanted to snort, that much was obvious.  
Nelliel giggles a little upon seeing his expression, and drinks her tea again before continuing with a more solemn look.

”Out of all of us left, he’s probably the one most afraid.”  
Ichigo stares at her baffled.

He stares for a long, quiet moment, until he finally finds his voice again.  
”Grimmjow and scared? Those don’t belong in the same sentence.”  
Nelliel smiles understanding, not surprised by that reaction.

”People show their fear in different ways, Ichigo. The reason he’s so volatile and violent, is because he is too afraid to trust anything or anyone. The way his story has gone, the second he let his guard down, someone was there to stab him in the back.”  
Ah....Ichigo had never thought it that way, but it made sense.  
Aizen was the obvious case, then there was what Nnoitra did.

”He keeps people at arms length because of this. It’s probably the saddest thing I’ve witnessed, because he can do much more, and be much more, if he’d just...” Nelliel pauses and rubs her eyes with a sigh. Ichigo could now tell that this particular issue bothered her a lot.  
It made sense again, for Nelliel was trying her best to ease the suffering of those hollows capable of being more human, yet it felt like she could not reach the one that was literally her comrade.  
Without a word, Ichigo reaches a hand out to squeeze hers encouragingly, and she smiles a bit at that. The orange haired male forces one to his face, still unable to make it genuine.

”....That’s why, I think it is wonderful that he came to talk to you.”  
”Huh?”  
Nelliel’s smile grows a bit wider, as she explains.  
”The fact he is showing some form of care towards you - even if his reasoning sounds selfish - is a sign in my eyes that he might in fact trust you, at least a little bit.”

Trust him?  
Out of all the people, why would Grimmjow trust Ichigo?

Yet...he did not feel the idea was completely ludicrous.  
It would explain a lot of things.  
It also fucking terrified Ichigo, because... he shakes his head, not wanting to think about any of that right now.

”I don’t know Nel. I doubt he really can have friends. That requires caring, and caring requires a heart. He said himself, he ain’t got one.”  
Nelliel hums thoughtfully and finishes her tea.  
She then gets up, preparing to leave for she had duties to attend. The woman gives Ichigo a big bear hug, nearly cracking his bones, and tells him to get some help for his mood, before leaving.  
Ichigo watches after her quietly for a moment, contemplating on her words.  
Why was he so freaked out about that thought, that Grimmjow actually gave a shit?

......Or perhaps he knew, he just didn’t want to think about it.

 

 

”Watch where you fire that goddamn cero you ass!” Ichigo barks at the snickering Arrancar, who wipes the dust off his clothes after nearly collapsing a building on them. They’d been chasing after an arrancar that had managed to steal something from seireitei, and got caught up in a fight which resulted in Grimmjow blasting the place to bits with a cero.

Luckily the place they were in was nowhere near Karakura, but an old abandoned factory further north, so there were no danger for humans as there were none around.

Still, Ichigo did not enjoy the thought of having a building collapse on top of him.

”Quit bitching, at least we got what we came ta look for.” The man rolls eyes at him and throws the small, oval shaped silver object to Ichigo, who puts it away to proper storage for delivering it back. He had no clue what the thing was, but the fact Urahara was the one who made it, could mean it could be anything from a fancy ink pen to a nuclear bomb.

”Still. I swear, why did I even bother working with you on this?”

”Because ya shinigami cannot track down these bastards as well as me, and yer the only one who can actually keep up.” Grimmjow grins at him, the smirk more playful and less sinister compared to years ago. Honestly, a lot about him felt less threatening now.  
Not because he’d changed or become weaker, but because he didn’t hate Ichigo’s guts anymore.  
....Somehow, Grimmjow being decent towards him was actually freakier.

”Yeah yeah, in all likeness I was the only one who could tolerate you long enough.” Ichigo huffs as they prepare to head back.  
”That, and yer least likely to be a backstabber.”  
He said it so casually that Ichigo almost missed the comment, but before he activates his flash step, his mind catches up and he turns to look at Grimmjow, who lifts eyebrow at his confused gaze. 

”What? Nobody likes a backstabber, not even me; ya should fucking know that already, moron.”  
Ichigo remains quiet, then his gaze grows softer almost involuntarily.

”Yeah. That’s true.”  
A moment of awkward silence lingered between them, before Grimmjow huffs and rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath, before vanishing into thin air with a burst of his sonido. Ichigo follows the man, trying to ignore the slight, warm feeling on his chest that sent mixed signals to his brain. 

 

”Kazui defeated his first hollow today!” Isshin announced once Ichigo managed to sit down on the nearest chair. His back hurt like crazy from the mission he’d done with Rukia yesterday. It involved a very murky cave and a very big, grumpy monster that loved to drop shit on people.  
Don’t ask.

”Really?” Ichigo asks, looking at Kazui who was beaming with pride, although he also looked a little embarassed from the way Isshin had hoisted him over his shoulders.  
”Yes! Your boy is growing up to be strong like his daddy! I’m so proud!”

”That is great.” Ichigo comments, attempting to smile. In truth, he felt sickening worry in his gut now; the stronger Kazui got, the more hollow-attractive he likely was.  
He says nothing however, just watches his father parade his grandchild around like the goofy lovable fool he was. Ichigo felt awful, that he could not bring himself to feel happy about this.  
Kazui could tell.

He glanced at Ichigo, his bright brown eyes looking at him with that same saddened look as usual. 

He hated that he was doing this to his own son.  
Ichigo just did not know what to do.

He’d thought of the whole psychiatrist thing, but Seireitei was not exactly good at dealing with things like this, and he was not able to pop up on human world for regular visits either. Talking about it with a friend of his also felt wrong, because they would just worry over him.  
Plus....he was no good at talking about his own emotions anyway.

Ichigo sighs and rubs his eyes.

 

That night, Kazui was awake while his dad slept beside him. The young boy felt worried, like he had been for a long time now. Everybody kept telling Kazui that Ichigo’s seriousness was not his fault, but being a child, he could not stop but think that way.

With a sigh, the kid slips off the bed to go and get himself a glass of water. 

As he puts the glass away however, the boy senses a presence on the roof. He recognized what it was; it was that blue haired hollow his dad kept running into. Kazui did not know how exactly his daddy had met the spirit, but he knew one thing.

The hollow made his dad smile.  
Kazui did not know why, but maybe...

Swallowing down hard, the boy sneaks out of the house, and climbs the ladder to the roof. He was still fairly short so it was hard, but he manages to pull it off in the end, and stands there shakily, looking around for a bit.

The roof wasn’t that high off the ground, but Kazui almost never was in such a place by himself, it was a little scary. 

What was even scarier, was the man sitting on the roof, currently watching him with that stoic look he often aimed at the boy. He never spoke to Kazui, not even when he’d saved him from hollows too big for him to handle. He’d actually done it more times than his daddy knew. Kazui never told anyone, because they seemed to be scared of the man. 

The kid, while young, was no fool; he was aware the blue haired man was a hollow, and a dangerous one given his powerful reiatsu. Yet, he could tell his dad trusted this hollow somehow.  
Why, Kazui did not know, and it did not matter.

”Daddy is asleep. I don’t think he’ll be able to wake up, he was tired.”  
The man snorts and rolls his eyes, as if to say that he was aware of it.

Kazui bites his lip and cautiously walks closer, trying to not fall off the roof.  
It was scary, walking towards something he knew was a bad spirit, but the boy felt he needed to do this. 

Eventually, there is just about a meter of space between them, and the man’a gaze sharpens, making the boy freeze. Kazui swallows his fear the best he could, fidgeting there nervously and playing with his fingers. 

”Why do you keep coming here?”

The blue eyes zero in on the kid again, and Kazui swallows down nervously, but remains in his place. The man examines him quietly with a bored look, before turning his eyes away.  
”None of yer business, squirt.”

It was a rude reply, something Kazui was not used to majority of the time, given how nice everybody was to him usually. He had heard the way the hollow talked to his dad however, so it wasn’t too surprising. 

”It’s just weird...you’re a hollow, yet dad doesn’t really try to purify you.”  
The blue haired man actually laughs at that, a quiet, unstable chuckle that frightened the young child, making him back away lightly. 

”Like he could fuckin’ do that. I ain’t one of those weaklings you keep seeing around here.”  
The man flashes him a grin, it was again a little scary, but less wide than what Kazui had seen aimed at his parent. 

”Then why don’t you try to...”  
”Kill ’im?”

Kazui goes quiet, just looking at him with nervous brown eyes.  
Grimmjow snorts, and cracks his neck, keeping his gaze away from the kid. He scared the little runt enough with just his reiatsu, there was no need to make it worse.  
”I did try to do that. Thrice. It got boring.”

It was a weird answer, but then again, hollows worked differently from humans.  
Kazui swallows down again, trying to not stutter too bad.  
”So...are you and dad... friends, then?”

The piercing glare locks at him instantly, and Kazui backs away, clutching his hands to his chest.  
”I mean...it feels like it. Dad acts the same around you, like he acts with uncle Renji or aunt Rukia. Well, maybe not exactly the same, but...” The boy goes quiet as the hollow keeps glaring at him, clearly annoyed by his question. His reiatsu doesn’t flare up however, and Grimmjow makes no effort to move from his spot. 

”How’s that any of yer business, kid?” The man asks, his voice quieter than normal.  
”Dad is very sad majority of the time. But...he smiles around you. That’s why I think he sees you as a friend.”

Grimmjow remains quiet, his stare making the kid back away a bit further.  
”If he really thinks that, he’d stop being a fucking coward.”  
Kazui had no clue what those words meant, and the bitterness on the man’s voice made the boy back away further.

Unfortunately, Kazui doesn’t look where he is going exactly, and ends up walking towards the edge of the roof. Panic slips in as his leg lands on nothing, and the kid yelps in shock as he begins to fall.

Except, a hand quickly grasps him by his arm and yanks him away from the edge. For a moment the blue eyes just look at the child with a blank expression, like he was contemplating on why exactly did he snatch the kid before he fell.

Then he figured it was fucking pointless to think about it anymore.  
It was not like he didn’t know the answer anyway.  
Yeah, Grimmjow knew all too well; he’d been doing this so much there was no point in questioning anything anymore. 

Whenever the rock-for-a-brain Kurosaki would get it, was another matter. 

”Watch yer fuckin’ step kid. I swear, you and your dad are both such numbskulls.” Grimmjow grunts at the boy, letting go of his arm before standing up and stuffing his hands in his pockets, clearly intent on leaving. 

Kazui watches him walk at the other end of the roof, before finding his voice again.  
”Can you help him? Right now the only one who makes dad happy is you.”

The hollow halts in his steps and glances at the kid over his shoulder with an unreadable look.  
A hole appears to the sky in front of him - a Garganta - and he turns his gaze away from the kid, waving his hand.

”I ain’t cut fer that shit, kid. It’s up to yer dad to fix his head; I can drag him to a shrink, but he's gotta make the choice there.”

With that, the man steps inside the Garganta and disappears from sight.  
The second his reiatsu vanishes, Kazui can breathe easier again.

He also could not stop but contemplate on what the hollow had told him. 

Even moreso... Grimmjow had not denied what the boy had said, about his daddy seeing the man as a friend. In fact...it almost felt like he was mad at daddy for not acknowledging their friendship. 

Kazui sighs and gazes at the moon for a moment. Then, he hears panicked rustling below, and a moment later, Ichigo appears to the roof in his shinigami gear, looking around wild eyed. The second he spots the boy on the rooftop, he sprints to Kazui and tugs him into a tight hug, still looking around slightly panicked.

”What are you doing here?!” Ichigo demands, though he sounded more relieved than angry.  
”I couldn’t sleep. Then I sensed the hollow was here again, so I came to talk to him.”  
Ichigo’s eyes widen in worry, and he looks around, but cannot sense anyone nearby.  
”You spoke to Grimmjow? Kazui, that is dangerous!”

”But you talk to him all the time.”  
Ichigo bites his lip, knowing the boy was right.

”It’s...different. If he gets angry, I can handle him.”  
”But....if he’s your friend, why would he hurt you? Being mean to me would mean hurting you, right?”

Ichigo’s mind pauses, and he just gapes at Kazui who seemed to be expecting an answer.  
The young man licks his lips, trying to find the right words. This was not something he could easily explain to a boy Kazui’s age. 

”I....”  
”I think....he’s mad at you for not admitting you're friends.”

Ichigo’s mind goes blank, and he just stares at the kid, who looks up at him with wide brown eyes.  
”Why won’t you?”  
Ichigo remains quiet, not knowing how to answer.  
It was not that he didn’t know it.  
He was just...scared of it.

 

Ichigo had tried to avoid facing this for so long now, focusing on his work as a shinigami. Eventually though, he realized he had to do something, if he wanted his beloved boy to stop looking at him with those sad eyes, and make his friends stop worrying. Let alone, make Grimmjow stop his bitching about the issue as well. So, he ended up discussing his loss with the professionals finally much to his close ones relief, both in human world and seireitei. It actually did help, somewhat. 

He never mentioned the topic of Grimmjow in any manner during either of the sessions. not the way it was kind of swirling around his brain and making him slightly anxious.  
Eventually however, he had to face it, that growing thing within him he’d refused to face before.

 

It was a slightly unusual situation.

Normally, the arrancar would deal with their matters internally in Hueco Mundo, but this time, it was personal for Ichigo. Nelliel’s friends - and therefore his - had gotten themselves into a quite of a sticky situation, and what’s worse, Nel herself had lost too much power, making her revert into a child temporarily again. 

Harribel would have gone to rescue the two normally, but her hands were full in defending their castle. So, Ichigo had volunteered to go and rescue the two goofballs as he heard the story from Nelliel - who’d literally fallen on him from the skies in her child form, nearly knocking him out - which surprised nobody.

They were currently on Kurosaki house’s yard. He was by himself again, as Kazui had left to a trip to Tokyo with his aunties and gramps about an hour ago. Ichigo was supposed to go as well, but after Nelliel’s cry for help, he’d had to pass on it, which clearly saddened Kazui, although he was also worried for Nelliel and her friends.

He’d met Dondochakka and Pesche, and liked them both.

”T-thank you Itsygo, I’m so happy I can count on you!” The now tiny girl bawls her eyes out, clutching the shinigami so tight he was losing all air from his lungs. Finally though, he manages to pry the girl off and tell her that of course he’d help, they were friends after all. 

”Harribel-sama would’ve helped, b-but she’s too busy with all those big guys trying to take our castle.” 

Ichigo could not stop but wonder, just why exactly so many hollows were attacking the place lately. Sure, Aizen’s influence had been remarkable, but it was over a decade ago. Things should have settled by now. 

”It’s okay Nel, I’ll bring them home safely.” Ichigo reassures the girl, managing to bring forward a convincing smile. It still felt strange to do it honestly, but...he was getting there.  
The girl just stares at him with big wide eyes, sniffling loudly and clearly trying to hold her tears back.  
”oh wow. That almost looks convincing. Too bad your acting skills are shit.”  
Ichigo jumps, and even the little girl tenses, as a figure lands on their yard.  
The shinigami just stares at him.

How the hell did Grimmjow sneak by him again?

The blunet was wearing a hood over his head which clearly masked some of his reiatsu, but it was still such a powerful aura that he should have noticed it, especially from this close.  
Perhaps....he was so used to it’s presence by now, that he didn’t pay as much attention.

”G-Grimmjow-sama.” The little Nel stutters, but the man ignores her, just stares at Ichigo dully.  
”Ya gonna just stand there? Let’s go before she really makes herself into a nuisance.”  
Ichigo blinks, surprised.

”You coming too?”  
Grimmjow snorts and cracks his neck, looking at Ichigo like he was the most braindead thing he’d seen, which, to be fair, was actually pretty tame from him.

”Given how fuckin’ sloppy ya been lately, someone’s gotta watch after your sorry ass.”  
Ichigo frowns, feeling a familiar flame of annoyance flicker inside him. He straightens himself and picks Nel up for a piggyback ride, giving Grimmjow a pointed glare.

”Watch where you fire your ceros, then. This is a rescue mission, not ’kick the crap outta everything that moves,’ mission.”

Grimmjow actually laughs at that, a tone less malicious than one would expect. He flashes a grin at Ichigo, his hands still in his pockets as a Garganta opens behind him.  
”The only moving thing I really wanna kick the crap outta of is you anyway, Kurosaki.” 

Ichigo feels a slight jolt in his chest as he notes the lighthearted, playful tone the man was using, but he pushes the sensation away from his mind for now. He had to focus on rescuing Nel’s friends.

 

They’d eventually found the two, stuck in a cave with plenty of low level gillians. While weak compared to Ichigo and his companion, their huge size was a bit of a problem, especially given how many there were, and how trigger happy his current partner was, and how easy it was to hit a humongous target like that.

Currently, Ichigo was dodging a blast of cero that one of those things had fired at them after Grimmjow had attacked it, cracking it’s mask pretty bad.

”I told you not to attack them! You’re fucking crazy!” Ichigo yells at the blue haired menace, who was currently flipping trough air upside down, skidding on his feet once he lands, flasing Ichigo a typical shit-eating grin. 

”Little late on the intake, are we Kurosaki?”  
Gods, why was this bastard so...so...he didn’t even know at this point if he wanted to punch that smug face, or just...  
Ichigo shakes his head, cutting himself off mid-thought.

Yeah, that jab was kinda deserved; he technically knew Grimmjow was a lunatic.  
But still, this was just reckless beyond reckless. It did not help that Nel was clinging to Ichigo for her dear life, nearly making the shinigami choke again. 

They both leap out of the way again as another beam of red energy hits the spot they’d stood on, destroying a part of the cave by making it collapse.

Grimmjow responds to it by charging the big one head on, sinking his blade into the creature’s mask with a fierce snarl, effectively slicing it almost all the way trough. The giant hollow stumbles back against it’s companions, screeching in agony as blood poured from the wound.  
”Ya think those two morons got out already?”

Ichigo blinks, then suddenly realizes why Grimmjow had done this.  
They’d located the two, stuck under a pile of rubble, their path blocked by these big Gillians.  
The two would’ve likely gotten hurt given how much weaker they were compared to Ichigo and the former Espada, so...the man had attacked those things to distract them from the fleeing figures.

”Don’t look so damn shocked, you will break your fuckin’ jaw.”  
Grimmjow grunts at him after wiping the dust off his clothes, glancing at the now grounded menos that struggled to get back up. 

He then looks at Ichigo again with his trademark smirk.  
”That’s my job.”

Ichigo rolls his eyes at that, then glances towards the direction Nelliel’s fraccion had ran.  
”We should probably get outta here as well; this cave is unstable.”

As if to prove Ichigo’s point, the ground starts shaking and more pieces of rubble fall down from the ceiling. Without a word, Grimmjow sheates his sword and nods towards the exit.  
Ichigo did not need to be told twice. 

 

It wasn’t much brighter outside, given most of Hueco Mundo was stuck in constant nighttime. 

Still, at least it was not the claustrophobic cave. 

Once the two see them emerge from the dust cloud, they instantly cheer and Pesche commends Ichigo’s strength, then nearly jumps into Ichigo’s arms as Grimmjow points out roughly that HE saved their sorry asses by distracting the big, dumbass things, not Kurosaki. 

Ichigo glances between the blunet and the two trembling in their shoes, and suddenly felt a little bad. He understood why they were so afraid, he got why Nel - in her current form anyway - was scared of Grimmjow.  
It was just that....he really wasn’t all bad.

Sometimes Ichigo felt like he was the only one who saw it.  
Except, he knew he wasn’t.  
Nelliel knew it too, when she was in her adult form at least.  
He watches the happy reunion of the girl and her friends quietly for a while, before speaking.

”Thanks. I have to admit, that could’ve been harder without your help.” Ichigo comments with a genuine smile, not even bothering to question why it was so easy with Grimmjow.  
The blue eyes stare at him dully for a moment, and then the man huffs and rolls his eyes, stuffing his hands back into his pockets like usual. Ichigo noted that while he wasn’t exactly smiling, there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. 

”Getting soft, are we, Kurosaki?”  
”Hell naw. You’d take that as an insult.”  
The man smirks properly now, giving Ichigo a sideways glance.  
”Damn straight.” 

It was that same, playful tone he’d used before.

As Ichigo watches his companion’s profile, the blue hair illuminated by the pale moon, making it silvery like that night back in human realm.  
The shinigami knew he could not run away and hide from this much longer. 

He did not know when it began, but he knew where he was now.

Ichigo had refused to openly admit to himself they were friends despite it being fairly obvious, refused to acknowledge the genuine, albeit rough, decency the hollow had shown him recently. Ichigo had kept himself oblivious of that, because he knew, he knew he was in trouble.

Back in those days he’d been fine admitting Grimmjow was his friend, because it would have been the truth. Now however, it would be a lie, covering up what he truly felt.

He was in love.

Ichigo understood painfully well, what it was now; that nagging feeling he’d tried to ignore, the infatuation. He did not want to acknowledge it, because he felt like he was betraying Inoue’s memory with this. 

That he was letting down everyone for crumbling on the feet of somebody like Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez; hell, maybe he was developing the weird attraction because the man was currently the only one who seemed to know how to act around him without making everything so damn awkward or make Ichigo feel like he’s being a burden.  
Yet, Ichigo knew all too well, that was what he’d done; he’d crushed to this sword-wielding, sometimes cat-shaped maniac, bad.

That was why he never felt bothered by his presence. 

Grimmjow had, in a sense, comforted him more than anybody else during the past year, by just being himself. He had been the one who’d kicked Ichigo’s ass to see a psychiatrist and talk about his loss. 

He was the one who’d made him smile despite his seemingly unmoving grief.  
Most of all, he’d been protecting Kazui when Ichigo was being useless. While never stated, Ichigo was actually aware of how often Grimmjow looked after the boy. He’d never said anything or asked about it, because... it was just easier to stay silent than ask those questions.

Ichigo was fairly certain, that if he’d ever actually open his damn mouth and admit his feelings out loud, Grimmjow would likely despise him.  
Friendship was one thing.  
Love was another.  
Grimmjow was likely not capable of something in that level.  
Plus, he had no clue if his feelings were true, or just some sort of crush born out of his current vulnerability. He did not want to make things weird. 

Ichigo did not want that at all, nor did he want to go trough a likely rejection, which would happen no doubt. It didn’t really matter what the answer was, he felt like he’d screw up either way now.  
Ichigo did not want those blue eyes look at him with despise and intense hatred like in the past. He just...couldn’t face that again. 

His heart would not be able to take it.  
So, Ichigo remains quiet, hoping to whatever gods that Grimmjow would never notice, and this weird affection he felt would just go away on it’s own. 

 

”Wow, he really did help you out?”

Renji sounded positively surprised after Ichigo told him the full story of his latest adventure. Most of his friends still couldn’t quite wrap their heads around the thought that Grimmjow was not after Ichigo’s blood anymore.  
Not as much as before anyway.

”That’s...I’m kinda speechless I gotta say. I thought the fucker only cares for himself.”

Ichigo felt a twitch of a smile on his lips. It was kind of awkward and annoying, how the only topic that seemed to bring that forth nowadays was the blue haired arrancar.  
Especially now that he knew just what exactly Grimmjow meant to him, or at least how it seemed to be; Ichigo still wasn’t sure if it was genuine or temporary. 

 

”He did say that he just couldn’t stand Nel weeping about it in her kid form.”

Renji snorts, rolling his eyes. It sounded like something the deranged bastard would say.  
Yet, the same time, he could not stop but notice the tone Ichigo had used when describing their little adventure. He’d almost sounded...fond, not irritated or angry or worried, or any other negative emotion Renji would associate with Jeagerjaquez. 

He was not sure how to feel about it; part of him was concerned, naturally, and another part felt miffed Ichigo seemed to find more solace in the company of a former enemy rather than his actual friends. Renji did not know how to ask about it however, so he remained quiet.

 

 

Ichigo ran, as fast as he could.  
Sprinting across the city streets, he tried to pick up his son’s reiatsu.

He skids to a halt and changes direction, cursing in his head. Kazui had gone to the market with Yuzu today, but then a large flux of hollows had entered Karakura for some reason. Yuzu had called home, asking Ichigo for help as the spirits were chasing after her and Kazui. She’d managed to disclose their location moments before the phone went dead. 

”Ichigo!”  
Glancing aside, he spots Rukia nearby, likely having artived there for his aid.  
”Rukia! What’s going on?”  
”We don’t know, there was a sudden influx of hollows appearing in this area. They’re still looking into it.”  
Ichigo just nods, then whips around as he could sense his son now. Without further ado he sprints towards the familiar aura, hoping to whatever gods that he and Yuzu were alright.

As the first masked spirit appears, Ichigo doesn’t even stop, just slices trough it and continues on his way. Rukia deals with another one trying to reach the worried parent, keeping any of the hollows from reaching Ichigo while he raced to his family. 

Soon, he spots familiar figures, currently running away from a large hollow chasing them.  
Ichigo jumps into action and leaps between them, stopping the large monster from grabbing Yuzu, who was carrying Kazui. 

Ichigo could instantly tell that this hollow was stronger than most he encountered in Karakura, hence his son likely wasn’t able to deal with it. It was clearly an adjuchas level one, which was strange to see in human world.  
Even eith the balance disturbed and all, this was unusual.

He forces the thing back, glancing back at Yuzu and Kazui, urging them to leave the area immediately. Before they can however, their path is blocked by another adjuchas level hollow, about seven feet tall that looked like a gorilla.

”Shit!” Ichigo exclaims, looking around for Rukia who’d come with him. She was currently locked in battle with another hollow herself, clearly as puzzled as Ichigo as to why an Adjuchas level ones were in human world. The fiery haired male doesn’t have much time to contemplate on this however, as he needs to block a rather powerful cero with his zanpakuto, preventing it from hitting the two behind him. 

Kazui had managed to smack the gorilla-shaped spirit in the head with a branch, and he and his auntie were currently running away from the scene, while Ichigo and Rukia dealt with the trio.  
It did not take them too long, but once the spirits were finally dispatched, Ichigo was breating heavily, and Rukia was giving him a concerned frown.

”You are exhausted.”  
It was almost like a question.  
Adjuchas were strong, but Ichigo should be stronger.

It was not normal for him to be out of breath like this. It had been a symptom that had been there for a long time now, but this was the first time Rukia acknowledged it out loud. She’d likely thought Ichigo would be getting better now that he was seeing a psychologist, but the woman had no clue there were other troubles eating away in his head.

 

”Let’s go get Yuzu and Kazui.” Ichigo says simply, not wanting to talk about this right now.  
A loud noise catches their attention, and a moment later, they saw a large red light eminating from behind the trees. Another cero. There was a horrific shriek in the air, making Ichigo’s hair stand to an end. 

He recognized the energy immediately, and hurried after Rukia who was already heading there.  
The scenery took the two shinigami by surprise. There was a large, winged hollow that looked sort of like a dinosaur with overly long claws lying on a crater on the ground, giant hole trough it’s body that oozed blood. 

Yuzu was on the ground somewhere behind the hole, her hands covering her mouth as her eyes were wide in shock.

What surprised them was not her or the crater.

As Ichigo looked up, he saw a familiar figure suspended in mid-air, reddish flickers of energy still circling his hand. Other arm was holding onto the little boy, grabbing him rougly by the waist like he was a sack of potatoes. 

”You! Let Ichigo’s son go this instant!” Rukia orders the former Espada, who just digs his ear, glancing at the boy who was looking up at him with big eyes. Kazui did not seem scared, now that Ichigo examined the boy’s face. He just looked shocked. 

Then, Grimmjow’s face twisted into a familiar smirk, an expression that made Ichigo’s heart race, but for a different reason now.

”Catch!”  
The bastard literally throws the boy at Ichigo, who quickly moves forward to snatch his son mid-air, landing safely to the ground while clutching him to his chest.

”What on earth happened here?!” He demands, both from Yuzu who was staring at him wide-eyed, as well as the man above, who slowly floated to the ground nearby them, sort of like how he’d done when they first met. Rukia appeared beside Ichigo too, standing between the arrancar and Yuzu, her zanpakuto ready just in case.

Grimmjow still dug his ear, looking unimpressed.  
”....Were you after those adjuchas as well?”

Ichigo questions, holding onto his son firmly while he looks up at Grimmjow.  
The man doesn’t respond, just looks at Ichigo with a disapproving frown. It hurt a lot more than it should have, buy Ichigo refused to show it on his face.

”Yuzu?” He asks instead from his sister, who manages to tear her eyes away from Grimmjow. The elder Kurosaki sibling realized abruptly, that Yuzu had never seen Grimmjow before, nor sensed how powerful he was. It was no wonder she was freaked out.

”I...we managed to get away from that gorilla hollow, b-but then the flying thing snatched Kazui.” She swallows down hardly, and glances towards the blue haired male.  
”Then he suddenly appeared, a-and grabbed Kazui off from its claws, before...before doing that to it.” She nods at the crater that was now empty, as the corpse of the spirit had dissolved by now into spirit particles. 

”I’m sorry.” Ichigo comments softly, squeezing her shoulder. Yuzu had not seen that much of the violent side of Ichigo’s life, and he knew first hand how scary Grimmjow could be to people less experienced with his ways. 

Yuzu shakes her head and looks at Kazui, who was staring intently at Grimmjow, who was still just standing there, hands in his pockets.

”Are you okay?”

The boy nods, then prys himself off from Ichigo’s hold, cautiously walking towards Grimmjow.  
Rukia attempts to stop him, but the boy just looks at her once, before walking to the arrancar. The blue eyes drift down at the small boy in front of him, but Grimmjow says nothing.  
”Thank you. I don’t know why you keep saving me, but it’s nice of you.”

Kazui smiles at the arrancar genuinely, his words surprising Rukia, while Ichigo felt his heart twist again with that feeling he wanted to ignore.

It was getting harder each day.

The blunet examines the smiling kid in front of him for a moment, then huffs, brushing trough his hair irritated. 

”If yer dad would get his shit together, I would not have to.”  
He lifts his gaze, blue eyes locking with Ichigo. The stare was more intense than he’d seen in years, but it was not one of bloodlust. He was just really, really angry at the fiery haired shinigami right now.

”Stop. Fucking around, Kurosaki. D’you have ANY fuckin’ idea how many times yer kid has almost died? I can’t be here saving his sorry ass all the time!”  
Ichigo’s mind draws a blank for a moment at that statement, trying to understand the meaning behind the tone the man was using. Then, he falls back on his usual reaponse to such hostile statement from this asshole.  
”No one asked you to do it!”

Ichigo blurts out, regretting his choice of words instantly, as an angry grin appears on Grimmjow’s face. It almost makes him falter, because it was that one expression he was right now terrified of igniting, but it was clearly too late to take it back.

”Yer damn right no one did! I’m not bloody supposed to do ANY of this. But SOMEONE fucking has to, ’cause yer too stuck in self-pity to even bloody notice when he’s in danger, and yer shinigami buddies are too damn BUSY to do their goddamn jobs!”

Rukia frowns at that.

”We are doing our best; it has been hectic, having to still deal with the imbalance and other effects of the war.”

Grimmjow snorts, rolling his eyes predictably.

”Excuses. Yer just gotten fuckin’ lazy because you ain’t got some big bad guy to deal with.” Grimmjow snarls at them, stepping closer and passing by Kazui, who was looking at the heated exchange uncertain. The boy could sense the tenseness in the air, almost like the situation was gearing up for a fight. 

What worried the boy most, that his father seemed to be...afraid, which actually wasn’t usual with him when it came to this particular hollow. He hid it well, but Kazui knew his dad better than most.

”D’you have ANY fucking clue, how many times I’ve had to make sure the pipsqueak don’t bite the dust because his pops is too ’distraced’ to notice a goddamn hollow trying to lop his head off?”

”It is true that there has been a few times where Ichigo may not have been around or...”  
The near manic cackle from the man makes Rukia turn quiet, as she is reminded of a few unpleasant memories regarding to this man. He is not looking at her however, but staring directly at Ichigo, who was just staring at Grimmjow, unable to utter out a word.

He did know of this, but having Grimmjow admit it so openly...it was bizarre.

”A few? FEW?” Grimmjow barks, looking like he wanted to burn a hole trough Ichigo’s skull. The seething anger was making Ichigo flinch, and he shifts his weight nervously, unable to form any coherent response. 

”Ever since that...woman, bit the dust,” the man glances behind him as he says the word ’woman’ and Ichigo abtruptly realizes, the man was actually considering his choice of words a bit more because Kazui was there. 

There was a pang on his chest, and Ichigo swallows down hardly, trying to ignore it.

”I’ve had to make sure the kid don’t get devoured, because yer too deep in your own goddamn mind to notice when a hollow is RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE.” 

Ichigo remains quiet, just letting Grimmjow vent it out for now. As Rukia attempts to say something to defend her friend, Ichigo even holds a hand up to stop her.

”It pisses me off so goddamn much. Hell, you always pissed me off, but this takes the cake! I'm bloody tired of doing yer job for you, Kurosaki!” The blunet cackles out, even his laughter now betraying his pure frustration. Grimmjow looked like he wanted to strangle Ichigo with his own intestines, but it was again different from before.

the fiery haired shinigami felt a thought creep up his head, as he examines the seething man in front of him, rewinding his words and thinking them trough in his head.  
It...it could not possibly be...could it?

”You’re...worried about me. About Kazui.”  
Ichigo can’t stop himself from blurting those words out, and the whole area goes silent, like the world itself was holding it’s breath. Ichigo sure as hell was, realizing that his question may have just opened up a can of worms. 

Grimmjow says nothing, just gazes back at Ichigo with a stoic look.  
Gods...could it be true? Could there be any bit of this man that actually...

Ichigo began to feel sick in his stomach, his hand clenching the canvas of his robes now as his heart began to race like he was running a marathon, or away from something.

As their eyes meet, for Ichigo’s horror, the man seems to catch on to his unusual uneasiness, as the blue eyes sharpen lightly, indicating he was aware of a sign of weakness from his opponent.  
The shinigami tries to force himself to remain calm and not to take a step back.

For a moment, those intense blue eyes hold him trapped, making Ichigo hold his breath.

 

Eventually, Grimmjow glances at Rukia and Yuzu, thus releasing Ichigo from his vice, before turning on his heels and heading away.

”Tell yer moron-of-a-dad to do a brain-check. He’s getting dumber everyday I swear.”  
The man grunts at Kazui as he passes by him, before leaping into the air and disappearing from sight.

The group just watches after him in stunned silence.  
After a moment, Ichigo releases a slow breath and rubs his eyes, noting that he was shaking lightly now. He wasn’t sure why. 

 

”So those renegade Adjuchas came to human world, because they thought they could develop into vasto lorde faster by devouring both humans and the weaker hollows around here?” Rukia asks with a frown, gaining a sigh and a nod from Nel.

”There has been a lot more of these misinformed souls attempting this lately.” She looks at them apologetically, probably feeling responsible for this. It was not her fault really, that the balance between the worlds was shaky even now, causing more hollows to pop up in the living world, nor was it on her that it was harder for the Shinigami to really notice them due to the said imbalance.  
”It’s okay Nel; majority of the time we do find them on time.” Ichigo tries to reassure the green haired woman, who rubs her eyes with a sigh.

”Besides, you’d sent Grimmjow already out here to dispatch them, so it made our job easier.”  
Nelliel looks up at Ichigo surprised, which in turn confused the two shinigami.  
”We never told him to do it.”

”Really? He’s been around a lot.” 

Nelliel examines Ichigo for a while, as if contemplating on something. 

She finally seems to make her her decision, as she suddenly asks Rukia to leave, stating that she had a more personal matter to discuss with Ichigo. The woman protests at first naturally, but eventually agrees to leave the two alone. Once Rukia is out of the door, Nelliel looks at Ichigo with a tired smile.

Ichigo felt his heartbeat quicken, part of him knowing what she was going to say, and fearing that he was correct.

”Truth to be told...majority of the time he’s in the human world, it’s not because we sent him. He is there for you.”

Ichigo almost wants to laugh; a hysteric, maniac cackle bubbles up in his stomach, but he turns his gaze aside, biting his lip and swallowing it back down. Yeah, he’d suspected as much at this point.

”Ever since Inoue-chan died...he began to notice how you...you began to lose your fire. He wasn’t happy about it.”  
Ichigo remains quiet, too afraid to say a word now.  
He didn’t want to hear this, but could not stop it either. 

”He began to...look after your child a lot, secretly. A lot of times Kazui wasn’t even aware he was there. Most weren’t, for he was able to mask his presence thanks to the current imbalance, but I knew where he went all those times.”

Ichigo lifts his head to look at Nelliel, who now noticed his slightly pale, panicked face. The woman blinks confused, and then hurries to reassure Ichigo that Grimmjow likely had never planned to hurt his son.

”It’s not that.” Ichigo cuts her off, leaning his elbows against the table and rubbing his eyes.  
”...Then what’s wrong?”

The young parent gazes at the wooden surface of the table for a long time, before managing to find his voice. It was barely audible, nearly just a whisper.  
”I don’t wanna know any of this.”

”Why not? I thought...you’d be happy to hear he’s being nicer to you and your close ones now.”  
Ichigo shakes his head, this time unable to prevent a slight cackle escape from his mouth, which clearly confuses Nelliel.

”I don’t wanna know! I don’t....it makes it worse.”

The green haired woman pauses for a moment, examining her shinigami friend. Ichigo was clearly deeply bothered by something relating to her comrade, for he looked like he was ready to just sprint and hide at any moment. He looked...almost ashamed.

Slowly, the woman reaches over the table and grasps Ichigo’s hand, making him glance at Nel.  
”....What is worse?” She asks softly, and Ichigo releases a slightly shaky breath, looking at her with that same, uneasy and confused look.

”I...I’m not supposed to. But I do. I don’t know how the hell, or when, but I realized it when we went to rescue your friends.”  
The woman tilts her head confused.  
”Realized what?”

Ichigo bites his lip, glancing aside as the words want to tumble out of his tongue, yet the same time, he felt immense shame about it. Not because of what one might think thought.  
He was past caring about the whole gender and sexuality aspect. 

”I’m in love with that bastard, and I....I don’t know if it’s real or not. Either way, if he finds out, he’ll kill me.”

Ichigo finally manages to blurt it out, his voice coming off more high-pitched than usual.  
The grey eyes widen, and for a moment Nelliel just stares at him in shock. Ichigo looks down, wanting to sink underground so bad right now. 

”I know I’m not supposed to. I feel like I’m...betraying Inoue’s memory or something. And he’s a hollow. He’s tried to kill me in the past, it’s crazy.” Ichigo hurries to explain himself, but a warm hand lands on his shoulder, stopping him mid-rant. He looks up uneasily, finding Nel gaze at him with a soft, understanding smile.

She was not judging him at all.  
”You are not.” She states simply, her tone firm. Before Ichigo could protest, she continues.  
”Inoue-chan would want you to be happy, Ichigo. I don’t think she’d mind.” 

Ichigo almost wants to laugh; sure, it sounded like something Inoue would have done, but this was Grimmjow they were bloody talking about! A man who’d...hurt her, and then made her watch as he hurt Ichigo, and other friends of hers.

Nelliel could apparently read these thoughts from his face, as her next words surprise him.  
”She’d forgiven him.”

The young man just stares at Nel, who lets go of his shoulder, leaning back in her chair as her gaze turns distant.  
”After Kazui was born...after that first meeting he had with the sixth, Inoue began to see that he wasn’t entirely a vicious soul. Even moreso, after she saw how you two...became friends.” 

Nel flashes him a smile.

”Neither of you admit it, but it was clear to her that there is a bond between you two. At first Inoue-chan was a little concerned about it, but I reassured her, that in all likeness, you would not put so much subconscious trust in him if he wasn’t worth it.”  
”Friendship is one thing. What my heart is doing to me right now is another.”  
Ichigo mumbles out, crossing his arms over the table and leaning his head against them with a heavy sigh.

”....Be honest, Ichigo; what is that really bothers you about it? The feeling itself.... or the fear it won’t be returned.” Nelliel questions softly, brushing trough her long hair. The young man says nothing, just stares at the wooden surface of the table again. 

”You’re not afraid of death; you always put your life to the line for those you love. Besides…he wouldn’t try to kill you, not over something like this.” Nelliel reminds him with a gentle tone. Ichigo knew the woman was more than correct with that statement.

 

”I just...we’re...fine, the way we are right now. I don’t...I should not wish for more.” Ichigo sighs finally, brushing trough his hair with a lost look in his eyes.  
It was not that he hated the idea. Ichigo was not...disgusted by any means.  
He just...didn’t know what to do. 

The young man still felt like a part of him was missing thanks to Inoue’s death, and being rejected would likely make his heartbreak worse. It was the likely result, if he’d ever dare to open his mouth about this to the man in question.  
If by some miracle, a rejection would not be the response, somehow that thought terrified him even more. How would...how would that even work? He was a hollow for goodness sake!

Ichigo wasn’t even sure if what he felt was real, what if it wasn’t? 

Nelliel watches Ichigo’s internal struggle, the way he frowns and releases a deep breath, clearly trying to make sense to his thoughts.

She honestly did not quite get why Ichigo was having such a hard time with this.  
He was not afraid of Grimmjow, he’d never truly been. Ichigo was not fearful of a violent reaction or death. He was not appalled by his feelings either; Nelliel could tell that while he was clearly freaked out by them, Ichigo did not find it disgusting by any means.

Looking at him, it almost felt like the young man did not know which reaction he’d rather receive.  
Perhaps part of it was him thinking it would be inappropriate, given the history and all. Perhaps he was doubting whenever what he felt was genuine or just a momentary event.  
Nelliel did not see it like that. 

Mourning a loved one was understandable, and keeping their memory alive precious; it did not mean one should be stuck in the past and not make changes. It did not mean you cannot move on.  
Remaining in that bit of times gone by, it would just make one miserable and lonely.  
She was also 100 per cent certain, that Ichigo would not feel so strongly about someone if he didn’t mean it. The young man was not the type to have out of blue crushes, Nelliel had learned as much. 

As she examined Ichigo for a while longer, the woman came to the conclusion that she’d have to do something about this.  
Perhaps, she should start with the source of Ichigo’s troubles first, just to see what he could expect.

 

”So, why exactly ya wanted ta tag along? Mostly you just whine about me bein’ too violent.”  
Grimmjow questions her, while casually blasting an adjuchas hollow nearby to bits as it had tried to jump him. Bravery or foolishness, it didn’t matter either way.  
Nelliel gave him a disapproving glance as if to prove Grimmjow’s point, but she did not complain and scold him about it.  
Truth to be told, she did it a lot less than she had with Nnoitra. As strange as it may sound to some, Grimmjow was actually not as bad as the tall arrancar had been. He only really attacked the weaker ones if provoked. 

They were currently in the deserts, for Grimmjow had headed out for one of his usual walks, and Oderschvank had suddenly appeared and asked to tag along. He didn’t really care either way, for the woman would do it anyway. 

”To be honest, I wished to speak with you.”  
”Ain’t much a conversationalist.” Grimmjow huffs at her, hands in his pockets as he continues walking without looking at her. He knew the woman would follow, and explain what exactly she wished to speak of regardless.  
She was almost more annoying in her adult form, but at least she was less useless, now with being powered up and all. He could almost respect her strength, and it was bit of a pity Nnoitra had fucked her mask up so that she was not as strong as she used to.  
Yeah, that bastard could rot in hell.

”It’s about Ichigo.”

”The bastard still moping like a brat?” The blunet chuckles, although Nelliel could not stop but note it was a little quieter of a laugh than usual.

”He is...getting better on that regard, but Ichigo is now having other problems.”

Grimmjow grunts, kicking a small stone aside, before stopping and gazing at the dark sky.  
”He’s a fuckin’ trouble magnet alright.”

Nelliel walks beside him, gazing at the man’s face almost curious. Grimmjow seemed to be in a bit of a sullen mood himself, but it was different from the fiery anger he’d normally showcase.

”I heard you had quite an outburst towards him the other day.”

The blue eyes shift to look at her, and the man lifts eyebrow at the woman questioningly.  
”I’ve bitched at Kurosaki before.”

The female arrancar flashes her companion a smile. 

”I know. But that time was apparently a little unusual. Normally when you get angry, you get violent.”  
Grimmjow snorts at that, brushing trough his hair as he turns his gaze aside and into the skies again. This fucking woman, what was she getting at?

”You apparently held back. Was it because of the child?”  
”Look, I know you got something to say. Just fucking say it, don’t pussy-foot around like this, it’s bloody annoying.”

Nel could not stop but smirk a bit. Sometimes annoying Grimmjow felt like annoying a little brother of sorts. Unlike most, she was not unnerved by his violent temper and attitude.  
Namely, because Nel had noticed Grimmjow was actually far calmer than people thought.

His temper only seemed bad, because when it was triggered, it was violent.  
In truth, Jeagerjaquez had far more patience in him than people gave the man credit for.  
To be exact, it took a bit more than people assumed to push him over the edge and into a violent fit, especially if he had no reason or interest to hurt you.

”Do you consider him a friend?”

Grimmjow seems to be taken aback by that question as he stares at his companion and her slightly mischievous smirk for a bit, before snorting and rubbing his eyes, mildly irritated.  
”And that is important because...?”

He was not denying it, but clearly did not want to admit it out loud either.  
Nelliel’s grin grew, but she tried to keep it down. Annoying him too much would jeopardize what she was trying to do.

”Would it bother you if he thought the same way about you?”  
Grimmjow looks at her with a dull look, eyelids half closed. It was the kind of unimpressed expression he often made when he was either disinterested with the conversation, or just generally thought the other person was stating something blatantly obvious.  
”If it did, I woulda chopped his head off ages ago.”

”So you admit it? That you care about Ichigo?”

”For fuck’s sake woman! Why are you suddenly so interested about this?” The man groans, contemplating on using his sonido to get the fuck away from there. Not that it would help that much, Oderschvank was fast as hell if she wanted to be.

”Because Ichigo cares about you, a lot.”

Grimmjow wanted to roll his eyes; way to state the obvious! That damn moron cared about anything and everything that moved, he was so into the whole heroic protection thing, and he’d even block a blade about to back-stab a defeated enemy.

Grimmjow knew this first hand.

”I don’t mean friendship.” She suddenly adds with all too suspiciously innocent face, and the blue eyes turn to look at her baffled for a moment. Nelliel remained serious, indicating she was not joking.  
”Ya shitting me.”  
He had to ask.

Nelliel shakes her head with a slightly sadder smile on her lips now.

”He’s been...quite bothered about it, almost if he cannot decide which answer would be worse; he seems to think you’ll either laugh at him or get angry.” It was risky, to confront Grimmjow about this upright, but the woman had a feeling she should do this. Call it a woman’s instinct or so. 

Grimmjow just stares at her quiet for a moment, then a familiar, devilish grin starts appearing on his face, and a few seconds later, a familiar howling laughter breaks the silence, as Grimmjow cackles like a maniac, clearly finding what the woman said hilarious.

At that moment, Nelliel began to wonder if this was a good idea after all. The reaction Grimmjow had was probably the worst kind, if Ichigo was there. Anger would likely be easier for Ichigo to handle.

Being rejected was one thing.  
Being laughed at and mocked was another.

Eventually, Grimmjow calms down and shakes his head, still smirking widely.

”He’s gone through heaven an’ hell - literally - gotten almost killed several times, and THAT is what’s making him pee his pants?”  
”I suppose it is hard for a hollow like you understand, given emotions are not --”  
Grimmjow cuts her off with a look.

He looked annoyed again, but more than before.

”You guys keep assuming shit about me.”

It was almost an accusatory tone, but Nelliel is not bothered by it, just crosses her arms.  
”The reaction you had just now proves that you are rather insensitive regarding to this.”  
The man snorts again, brushing trough his hair with irritated cursing mumbled under his breath.  
Eventually, he looks at Nelliel again, that same, stoic look on his face that indicated he was contemplating on what to do or say next. 

Finally, he huffs and shakes his head, muttering ’fuck it’ under his breath.

”I knew.”

That answer takes the woman by surprise, and she looks at Grimmjow with a confused look.  
”Then why did you...”  
”It’s one thing ta be aware of it yourself. It’s another thing to have others state it fer you.” Grimmjow explains with a shrug, turning his gaze away from her, hands still in his pockets.

”I did not laugh because I thought it was pathetic. I laughed, because it’s so hilarious how shitty his taste is.”  
There was a slight, self-decimating grin on his face, and it was a bit bizarre, to see Jeagerjaquez acknowledge how horrible he could be.

”It’s also funny, ’cause we’re both idiots in that sense.”

Nelliel’s eyes widen as he hears the quiet, reluctant admittance behind those words, and then her grin grows wider, and she resists the urge to hug her companion, knowing he’d be pretty upset about it.  
”I don’t think it’s idiotic at all.”

”Of course ya don’t. You’re a shitty hollow.” Grimmjow snorts at her, but his tone lacks the usual biting malice it had when mocking someone. 

It was his way of saying, that Nel was honestly a better person than most of them. 

The woman reaches a hand up to Grimmjow’s shoulder, making him look at her dubiously.  
”Tell him that. It has really been eating away at Ichigo, and I think...if you can be honest with him, it’ll help a lot.”  
The man snorts and smacks her hand away, walking further into the desert, before stopping and glancing her over his shoulder.

”He’s gotta do that himself. I ain’t into cowards.”

The man smirks, then turns his head back and uses a burst of sonido to disappear from sight.  
Nelliel doesn’t follow him, there was no need. She knew now what she had to.  
Next step was to convince Ichigo to talk to Grimmjow finally about this.  
“Love is such a wonderful thing.” The woman muses with an amused smile on her lips, as she heads back towards the castle. 

 

 

It was nerve wrecking, but he’d come to the conclusion, that this could not be avoided any longer.  
Ichigo could run away from his own feelings only for so long, and hey, if he died, at least he died knew the answer.

Nelliel had come to him that day again, telling the Shinigami exactly that. He could see this glint in the woman’s eyes, something that reminded Ichigo of Urahara to an uncomfortable degree.  
Regardless of the uncertainty whenever she was plotting something, the woman had a point. 

Ichigo glances at his son sleeping on the bed, beside his body he’d vacated for now, and brushes Kazui’s hair gently.

Sure, he could just leave it be.  
He could just focus on his duty, and taking care of his son.  
But he could not keep living like this, not with this...feeling nagging in his head and driving him mad. Kazui could see something was wrong, and it seemed the only way to make his son to stop worrying over his dad, was to face this. So what if he got angry, or laughed at Ichigo for it? Grimmjow had done it several times before. This was not any different, right?

Besides…he knew at this point, that most things he’d worried about were badly disguised excuses. Ichigo Kurosaki did not just randomly develop feelings for people, he knew himself better than that. He also knew that Nel was right about Inoue; she would not mind, if it made him happy. 

With a sigh, Ichigo plants a soft kiss on the boy’s forehead, covering him properly with the bedsheets.  
He gets off the bed and heads outside.

Ichigo dispatches few hollows on the way, searching for the familiar reiatsu. He knew Grimmjow would be around, he was fairly sure Nel would not have tried to coax him to do this otherwise.  
He had not realized it back then, but now he began to understand why Grimmjow was able to sneak up on him so much. It was not just the imbalance and its masking effects, or him getting weaker due to his mental state and lack of focus.

Grimmjow’s aura had been lingering around them so much, that it had become a constant thing, dulling his senses for it.

Sort of like how he didn’t react to his father’s reiatsu at all, despite it being noticeable when he transformed.  
Eventually, Ichigo could feel the familiar pressure against his aura, and heads towards it.  
Soon enough, he spots a familiar figure sitting on a rooftop, near a spot that was familiar.  
It was around the streets that they’d first met. 

Ichigo slows down, suddenly feeling uneasy again.  
It was...a peculiar place for Grimmjow to lounge around, normally he was closer to the Kurosaki estate, or wherever Ichigo happened to be at the time.  
He lands on the roof, few feet away from the hollow that was leaning against the wall next to the emergency exit door.

He doesn’t move or attempt to get up, just looks at Ichigo with a stoic look, hands in his pockets like usual. One of his legs was outstretched, while the other was sort of lazily resting on top of his knee, and he wasn’t even sitting straight.

How could someone look so handsome, even when sitting in such a lousy, lazed position?  
...Then again, Grimmjow was a giant cat.

”Sup?”

Ichigo bites his lip, suddenly unsure on how he should approach this.  
It did not help that the smirk offered to him made his heart skip a beat again.  
”You just can’t even sit like normal people, can you?”

Grimmjow snorts and then chuckles at him, turning his gaze to the skies.  
”I ain’t normal people, Kurosaki.”

Ichigo hums at that, turning his gaze to the sky as well. Ichigo still did not know what he should do or say. The fact Grimmjow was clearly not interested in a fight right now didn’t help.  
....It was kind of strange too, but Ichigo’s mind was already too preoccupied to ponder that as well.

”I kicked your ass real good the last time I was here.”

The hollow suddenly chuckles, making Ichigo glance at him with lift eyebrow.

”I did not take you one for nostalgia. Then again you do seem to enjoy seeing me in pain... so I guess it’s a fond memory.”

The man rolls his eyes at the shinigami.  
”Nah. That ain’t it.”  
”Oh? And I thought you were a sadist.”

Grimmjow snorts and finally gets up, cracking his neck and rubbing it while giving Ichigo a sideways glance. Ichigo’s words were lighthearted and playful, but his heartbeat was racing a mile a minute. 

”Well yeah, kind of. People keep tellin’ me I’m a wicked, crazy bastard.”  
”Perhaps you should take their word for it.”

What was up with this conversation; was he just stalling for time, trying to come up with how to approach the subject? Since when had Ichigo Kurosaki become a coward like this?  
”They love ta assume shit about me.” 

Those next words were quieter, and Ichigo pauses with his slightly uneasy thoughts to look at Grimmjow with lift eyebrow. The man stuffs his hands back into his pockets, as he shifts his weight lightly and aligns is body more towards the shinigami, tilting his head towards Kurosaki as well.

”That time I first discovered ya had a kid. I could tell both of ya thought I was gonna hurt him.”  
Ichigo bites his lip, unable to deny it. Grimmjow’s tone is not accusatory per say, but somehow, the shinigami feels bad about it now.

”You aren’t exactly the nicest person around, you know? You did push Nel around when she was...smaller.”  
”She’s a fuckin’ hollow, and a strong one at that. A pipsqueak size or not, she could handle it.”  
Kurosaki frowns a bit, predictably, telling him in his usual patronizing tone that at that point, Oderschvank was a kid and did not have all the power she had now. 

Yeah yeah, he knew he could be a nasty shithead if he wanted to.  
But that was sorta the point. He could be a bastard, if he WANTED to be. It actually wasn't that constant, as unbelievable as it may have sounded to most. It was just that most of the time, people pissed him off enough to warrant his nasty attitude. 

”I don’t waste my power on weaklings, unless they provoke me.”

He cuts Ichigo off mid-rambling with that blunt statement, and the fiery haired male closes his jaw, just staring at him with a frown. The earlier uneasiness had left his form, replaced by the more appropriate fiery reiatsu Grimmjow preferred to sense from him.

”So at that point, ya fretting over yer kid was pointless. I got no reason ta hurt ’im, still don’t.”

Kurosaki blinks, actually dumbfounded by his obvious statement.  
Holy fuck this guy could be so dense sometimes.

”....Why are we talking about this all of a sudden?”  
It was clear the damn fool would not get it out by himself. The fact the woman had managed to even make him pop up and try it was a fucking miracle. Grimmjow flashes him a roguish grin, deciding to rock the boat a little. 

 

”Oh I thought ya needed some time to figure out how the hell to state what you wanna say. I felt like being nice fer once.”

As expected, Ichigo freezes, then his face starts to change color, going from pale to bright red, and he coughs, rubbing his head and turning his gaze away suddenly bashful.  
”What makes you think I had something to say?”

For fuck’s sake. 

He should just smash Kurosaki’s head to the pavement; this was getting incredibly annoying.  
Why was this shit so hard for HUMANS to do? He was supposed to be the one struggling with things like this, not technically havin’ a metaphorical heart or so.  
Then again, Kurosaki was pretty young even now. The lil shithead likely still hadn’t grown over his teenager phase, even if he was an adult now. It was both hilarious and annoying. 

”Cause normally when I show up here on a more peaceful night like this one, you ain’t in a shinigami get-up, looking like yer waiting for a death-sentence.”

Ichigo swallows down at the choice of words, shifting uneasily beneath that gaze.  
It was not that he was afraid of death. Hell, in all likeness Grimmjow would not kill him for this.  
The blunet watches him struggle internally for a while longer, before releasing a dramatic sigh and shaking his head with an amused, lazy smirk on his lips.  
Fuck it.

”Sometimes yer so pathetic; you’ve gone to hell an’ back, faced a lot of crazy shit within the span of two years, and yet admitting when you have a crush is suddenly hard like hell. You ain’t a bloody teenager anymore, Kurosaki.”

The shinigami’s face twists into what seemed like him preparing to nag at Grimmjow again, but then his words seem to register properly, and the brown eyes just...stare.

Grimmjow looks right back at him with lift eyebrow, still smiling amused.  
It was amusing as all hell, seeing Kurosaki dumbfounded like this.

”What? Cat got your tongue?”

He purposefully shifted his tone into a slightly more purring one, and holy shit he had not seen Kurosaki go this red before, it was priceless. He refrains from laughing however as the shinigami paces around for a bit to gather his thoughts and process Grimmjow’s words. 

Finally, he stops abruptly and looks at him with almost accusatory glare, pointing at him.  
”You knew! You knew and didn’t say anything!”

His embarrassment shone through his voice, and Grimmjow digs his ear, holding up a stoic front while he was laughing his ass off on the inside. Not out of malice though; it was... kind of adorable, how flustered Kurosaki was right now.  
He’d never voice that thought out loud.

”You...gods do you have ANY idea how much I’ve been fretting over this! I legit thought I was going crazy at first, and then I felt bad because I felt like I should not have felt that, because it’s you. I almost lost sleep just thinking about what the hell you crazy fucker would do if you found out, and now you’re telling me you knew?! This whole time?!”

Grimmjow watches Ichigo ramble and vent out his frustration and embarrassment for a while, etching the hilarious scene into his memory, before grabbing Ichigo’s wrist and easily twirling him around so they were face-to-face, efficiently shutting him up.

”Nice ta see ya fired up properly again. The sullen look don’t suit you.” Grimmjow smirks at him, and Ichigo glares up, clearly wanting to smack him in the face, but being kind of unable to do so as Grimmjow had a firm grip on his wrists with one hand. As seconds pass however, the anger starts to dissolve, and he looks away, biting his lip uneasy again.  
”Thought you’d hate my guts about it.”  
”Again, yer making assumptions about me, Kurosaki.” Grimmjow comments with a slightly softer tone, making Ichigo look up at him, caught off guard.  
He was clearly a little nervous about how close they were to each other right now, but made no attempt to try and pry his wrists free from the hold Grimmjow had on them. Ichigo just kept looking at those bright blue eyes, which currently had a mixture of amusement and something akin to genuine fondness in them. He also looked arrogant as usual; that bit seemed to be like a default part of his expressions. The kind of arrogance that said ’you’re a fucking moron compared to me.’  
”I don’t actually hate your guts anymore. For one, spreading them across the walls would be real messy and smelly...”  
”Oh hardy-har, Jeagerjaquez.” Ichigo snorts as a light teasing smirk appears on Grimmjow’s face at that comment. His annoyance doesn’t last long however, as yet again, that damned involuntarily smile starts appearing on his face as well.

”Yeah, it would probably leave a hard-to-clean mess.” He agrees, going along with the bit of crazy dark and twisted humor Grimmjow preferred.  
”That, and I’d never be able to kick your sorry ass again.”  
”Yes, that sounds about right kind of reasoning when it comes to you.”  
Ichigo’s slightly nervous laugh is cut short as Grimmjow suddenly tugs him closer and kisses him. It was that simple; no dramatic confessions, no contemplation from his part, it felt like the arrancar had come there knowing exactly what he was gonna do. 

After the initial shock, Ichigo melts into the kiss, closing his eyes and responds to it gently. His face was flushed and his entire form felt heated, but it did not matter. There was something akin to joy swelling up his chest, as Ichigo began to realize Grimmjow had just given him an answer.

And it was the answer he’d hoped, the one he never thought he’d get. 

Eventually, the hand grabbing Ichigo’s wrists loosen, and the shinigami uses the opportunity to wrap his arms around Grimmjow’s neck out of an impulse, tugging him closer; in response the man plants his on Ichigo’s waist. The bastard snickers against his mouth before nipping it with his painfully sharp teeth. After that, he pushes Ichigo back a bit, licking his lips which may or may not have looked slightly predatory, but in a more thrilling manner rather than terrifying.

”T’was Oderschvank. She told me.” The blunet admits with a quiet chuckle, making Ichigo frown slightly displeased; he should have known Nel would try to do something.

Still though...  
”You act like you knew before that.”

Grimmjow smirks at him again, nipping Ichigo’s ear lightly with his teeth, warm breath brushing over Ichigo’s neck and making him shiver.

”Probably. You guys love to assume I’m not observant just because I got a temper.”

He purrs into the shinigami’s ear, full-heartedly enjoying the way Kurosaki trembled again, pressing closer to him subconsciously. In the past, he would’ve never even dreamed of doing shit like this, but hey, Grimmjow was way past caring at this point in his life.

He did shit if he wanted to.

”Yeah yeah, you said that a few times already.” Ichigo snorts, but then shifts back a little to look at him in the eyes with a softer smile. 

”I never thought of you as non-observant. There’s no way you’d be as good of a fighter as you are if you couldn’t pay attention to detail.”

”Flattery ain’t gonna get me ta not wanna kick your ass even if I like you.” Grimmjow snorts, but doesn’t make a move to remove his hold on the shinigami, a fact Ichigo was appreciating greatly. 

As strange as it sounded, having him hold Ichigo in a surprisingly gentle manner made it easier for him to voice out these thoughts he’d held back, because he now knew trough touch, that Grimmjow was listening, and he was not going to ridicule Ichigo about it, at least not too much.  
Most of all, he was not gonna hate Ichigo.  
In hindsight, that fear suddenly felt ridiculous.

”I know. I would not want it to.” He smirks, and then cautiously lifts his hand to place it against Grimmjow’s cheek, the non-masked one as he’d have felt weird touching that side.  
It was....weird to be so gentle with him, but Ichigo did not oppose it one bit.

”Still though; weren’t you hollows supposed to be heartless?”  
Ichigo asks softly, gaining another one of those amused smiles he’d grown fond of.  
“Well, we did sorta point out my hollow hole’s in a weird place…”  
“I doubt that’s how it works.”  
Ichigo points out, making his companion roll his eyes predictably.

”I’ll throw you off this fuckin’ roof if you don’t cut out that wise-ass shit. It’s my job.”

The threat was half-hearted, given the fact he made no move to do so, and even slightly leaned against Ichigo’s touch, like an attention seeking cat.  
”It’d be more your style to kick me trough the roof rather than off it.”

That pulls out a barking laugh from Grimmjow, the kind of loud sound that could startle those not expecting it. Ichigo just grins, loving the reaction he managed to cause.  
Eventually the laughing dies down, though Grimmjow’s expression still spoke of amusement.

”So you’re...okay with this?”  
Ichigo had to ask; he couldn’t help it. 

The man gives him a long suffering look, clearly contemplating on whenever he should actually make good use of his threat. He let’s go of Ichigo finally and steps back, still looking at the shinigami like he was a dumbass.

Hell, Ichigo was at times, he could admit it.

Who in the world falls for a crazy bastard like Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez?  
Apparently an orange haired moron like him. He could not stop but smile at the thought.

”I am NOT saying it Kurosaki. I don’t see the point on stating the obvious.”  
Ichigo could not stop but smirk as he steps closer for another, quick kiss.  
”Have it your way, kitten.”

Ichigo sprints out of the way before the cero can blast and scorch his smug grin off his face.  
Grimmjow was definitely going to kick his ass for that comment. 

For once, Ichigo looked forward to it.


End file.
